Chronic Suicidality ... Playing the long game ...

[Jesse910]

Nonny,

There is always a choice. What you are feeling is distorting your view of life right now. Many of us have been down the path that you are on now. I have been where you are. It was frightening. I had just lost my job; I felt like a failure; my mother did not know how to help as I was an embarrassment to her. I hated myself to the core. However, some friends of mine saw me beyond that point and I got the help that I needed. It took a while to get the right diagnosis but when it happened, I started to feel better. Right now, your brain is sending you mixed signals that are not healthy. For the past few weeks, you have been reaching out for help and we've been trying our best to give it to you.

I know you're scared, but you are not alone. You have a community who cares. I wish you could hang onto that. It took me a lot of years to finally admit to myself that my family never would have understood if I had ended my life. The one person who keeps me going when I feel horrible and start beating myself up is my son. I love him to pieces and I would never want to do anything to harm him.

Your kids still need their Mom. Be there for them.

 

[rdw]

Yes there is a choice - there is always a choice. Your thinking is faulty and only through receiving psychiatric help can you change your thinking around. We have all been in your shoes - suicidal thinking was my default solution for years . Guess what - flawed thinking on my part. So I do get it and I know you can change it but only if you seek help and refuse to give up

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

We have a psychatrist ... They know we are playing the long game, they know we have and do attempt death via injecting bacteria to cause heart problems. Doesn't concern them so ... Shall just carry on.

 

[forgetmenot]

There is ALWAYS a choice always YOU have to chose to go and get the help you need or to stay where you are
You keep saying "We", who is we? Is there voices in your head telling you these things if so they you need to get help to stop those voices

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

No voices telling us anything. We tried to 'get help'. The end result is us losing main care of kids and living in a shed. Asking for help did nothing but make things worse. Who are we supposed to seek help from ? Mental health team ? They know. GP ? He knows. Psychotherapist ? He knows ... They all know we want to die. They all know we technically od on acquired medication most days, they all know we are waiting for bacteria to infect our heart so we never wake ... Who else are we supposed to tell ? Who else is going to 'help' ...

 

[forgetmenot]

If no one is listening then go to hospital and tell them you are killing yourself and you need to be put in hospital to keep yourself safe period

---------- Post Merged at 09:05 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 08:47 PM ----------

i make a choice every day to not leave to not cause me any harm and i like you want so badly for the pain and sadness to stop but we can make a choice we can
and YOU can make the choice to stop ODing to stop no taking care of yourself only YOU can make that choice no one else
I know it is hard to stay ok i know so if you cannot stop harming yourself for the sake of your children then you need to go to the hospital and tell them what i have told you to say

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Ppreciate the efforts ok, hospital not an option. If we 'harm' again and need intervantion, he will go for full custody and will lose everything and then will have nothing left to fight for. The moment we go into hospital or need crisis intervention is the moment we lose anything to fight for so no point. Besides, none of it is news ... They all know ...

 

[Mari]

If they all know and are not providing the help you need then you need to ask someone else. Do you have a GP/family doctor that you can talk with?

 

[Jesse910]

Nonny, you continue to mention that they "all know." If I'm understanding you correctly, you do have a psychiatrist, therapist, and a GP who all know that you are suicidal. Is this correct? If this is correct, they are not taking you seriously. You need assistance now. You spoke about injecting bacteria into your heart. This sounds dreadful. I wish that I could understand more of what you are feeling. And, I am truly sorry for your pain. There has got to be another avenue. Death is a final act that states that absolutely nothing could be done. And, I do not believe that because too many of us are still here! Parents do not quit on their kids. They hang on.

 

[forgetmenot]

Also you said your husband takes care of your children and would never harm them then what is the problem you let him have custody until you are strong enough and mentally healthy enough to share custody with him again With children taken care of YOU have time for YOU to get help
You keep saying there will be no reason to fight if your husband has full custody wrong your children will always need you and will come to you when they are older for help and if you get the care you need now you will be well enough to help them and be there always for them The way you are going now you will not be here to enjoy your children unless you get the care you know you need

Get well so you can be there in the future for your children I know you understand this so make a choice to get the treatment you need now

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Correct we have psychatirst, who knows we have injected bacteria in the past ... Private therapist (who isn't able to advocate much), nhs therspist, and gp. We sat in the gp surgery a week or so before we last injected and said very clearly, we want to die. We took an od the night before and do not wish to live anymore.
The genuinely all know. Gp assessed various wounds, nurses dressed the resulting abcessess ... Full time custody would kill us, inside. Really would. Its fine. Just ... A bad day ...

 

[rdw]

Just trying to understand something - who is "we"?

 

[Retired]

We would like to help you, Nonny but I like RDW and others don't understand why you refer to your actions in the plural by referring to what you do by writing "we" instead of "I".

In order to help you the Forum needs to know precisely what it is you would like to accomplish, what you need to get your life in order and what services you need to regain control of your health and your family situation.

You have a problem to which there is a solution, but you need to decide what is your goal. Once we know the goal, then we can suggest some strategies, and you need to be receptive to trying these strategies, and at the very least to consider them.

To date you have rejected any suggestion made to you. Suicide is not the answer, nor is harming yourself.

You have the rsponsibility of your children who are counting on you for a decent quality of life. Suicide won't give that to them.

Your children are your reason for living and for finding a way to regain control over your life.

What would you like us to do for you?

 

[forgetmenot]

Full time custody would kill us, inside. Really would

.

Yet you are willing to take your life to leave your children in such pain

but you are not willing to give them custody to your husband until you are well , do you not see how contradicting this is

Yes it will be hard to hand full custody over to your husband but you know the children will never leave you you know that so you do not leave them

Get yourself signed into hospital and get yourself stable enough to care for them ok

WE who is we you and your husband you and a inner persona who are you talking about help us to understand ok

 

[Harebells]

I just wanted to add that of course it's beyond important to be around for your kids...but also for you too. Even if you didn't have the kids you are valuable and important and deserve to live and have a good life. I hope you can find the courage from somewhere to go to hospital and that they will keep you safe and give you proper help

 

[Jesse910]

Nonny,

I believe that Steve's earlier response today of 5:32 p.m. gives voice to all of our concerns for you. How can we best help you get the help you need so that you can heal?

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Apologies to everyone. This isn't the right place for us, hope you all stay strong and suppoirt each other. We appreciate the time you have spent, an d apologise we are unable to see things the same way. X

 

[Harebells]

Sorry to hear it, if you feel like it's not the right thing for you then I can understand if you go with that...but if you change your mind it would be great to hear how you're doing, would also be nice to get to know you more. Kind wishes, hope it gets better xx

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

We seem to be ... Getting it wrong here ... People think we are unwilling to help ourself, that we are throwing support back in their faces ... We really aren't.
We genuinely have issues with ... Understanding, learning, knowing, anything emotive, and ...
We is I, I is we. Don't know why, and only really happens when in an emotive state, hard to explain ... Sorry ...

 

[forgetmenot]

Thanks for explaining that to us hun i do understand I do hope you get the help and support for YOU ok to stay safe hugs