A very dear friend of mine has died this morning. He committed suicide. I have known him since 7th grade. 9 years of friendship, gone in an instant. I am deeply saddened by this. I was told about this on my lunch break. I laughed at first thinking it was a joke, but it wasnt. I havent talked to him in a couple months, I moved to Ohio from Texas. I left and didnt tell him goodbye for some really odd reason, and his cell phone had changed. I guess what makes it harder is that I dont have my friends here to comfort me and to help me cope with this, so I am having to deal with this on my own, and it is very very difficult. I cannot believe this has happened, I think about it and I tell myself this is a dream, that he is ok and back home. We shared common interests which also brought us closer throughout the years. And the thing that gets me the most is that...he was the first guy I felt attracted to. I developed a crush on him back then, before we were friends, and thought I would have never been friends with him. But that developed into a friendship. In a couple months, I turn 21. This is when I was planning on telling him about that first time we met. And now I dont have the chance. I am soo...I dont know what to think. I dont know how I am going to sleep. I dont know how I am going to go back to the place we grew up and not cry and not be able to.....to see him and hang out with him. I need help, I am also thinking about seeing a Psychologist, but not sure. I would appreciate all the support and advice anyone has for me. I hope I can stay strong through this...its difficult.