Coming Clean

[just mary]

Hi,

(wasn't sure where to put this)

I just wanted to share some good news (for once). I went to see a new family physician (GP) last week and it went really well. I had to fill out a form prior to my first appointment so he would know something about me. When I came to the question that asked how much I drink in a week, I put down a very ladylike "2 glasses per week", followed by a question mark. As the doctor was reading my form and that question in particular, I blurted out, "I drink a lot more than that!". And then I told him everything, how much I drink, when, where and my feeble excuses as to why. And I also told him a lot of other stuff; how I was feeling, how isolated I was, my lack friends or a social life. And it was wonderful to get it all out of my head. And he was great. He wants to see me again, I can call him anytime I want to. I think it was just so important to me that he took the time to listen. I don't know where I'm going to go after this but it's a start. He told me they have a psychiatrist on staff and that he's trained to deal with these issues also.

I think opening up takes time for some people. I started here and the sky didn't fall. I'm still pretty close lipped but I think I'm making progress. I just have to find the right people to talk to.

Thanks and take care,

 

[Cat Dancer]

That's really great!!!! Having someone listen just means the world.

 

[Into The Light]

that is wonderful news!! each time someone takes the time to listen to me it makes such a huge difference. i have a great gp and the last time i saw him he took time for me and it meant so much to me. well done on blurting it out mary. this is really fantastic because it means you are ready to look for a solution and ready to take care of yourself. and you are so lucky to have a gp who is there for you. i am so happy for you. take care and keep us up to date.

 

[foghlaim]

that's fantastic news Mary... well done.. and yes it's definately progress!!.
let us know how u get on in future apts eh, whether with the gp or the psychiatrist.

well done !!!!!

nsa

 

[ThatLady]

Wow, Mary! That's great news! Not only did you find a caring, empathetic GP, but you were able to come clean with him and find that you weren't rejected. In fact, it sounds like he really understands and has taken your problems seriously. I can't tell you how glad I am for you!

 

[just mary]

Hey, thanks for all the support.

I'm pretty excited about things but I also have a sense that it's not going to work out. I tend to put all my hopes into a person or thing, thinking "this time - everything will be okay" and then I lose momentum and give up. Oh well, can't hurt to try, right.

Thanks again,

 

[ThatLady]

There's a difference this time, Mary. We're here to support you. When you feel yourself weakening, or losing your momentum, just come here and spill your guts. We'll be behind you all the way, and will do everything we can to support your efforts and help you maintain your course.

 

[just mary]

We'll be behind you all the way, and will do everything we can to support your efforts and help you maintain your course.

Thanks TL, that means a lot to me.

And thanks again to Janet, baseballcap and notsureanymore.

 

[ThatLady]

You're welcome, Mary. Fact is, you mean a lot to us!

 

[Peanut]

Mary, I'm really happy for you. That's really good that you found a doctor that you can tell these things to and actually get some help. I know how discouraging (or traumatizing in my case ) it can be to reach out for help with something like this and not have someone reach back. But you reached out and it sounds like your doctor reached back!! Yay, don't you love it when things go like they are supposed to?!

So are you going to see the psychiatrist that he mentioned?

Oh, and I also wanted to say that I think it's great that you shared how you felt about the lack of friends/social life, but I just wanted to tell you that, without question, I count you among my good friends. I guess I just wanted you to know that. Actually your social life seems pretty active with all of your forum action

 

[Into The Light]

you're welcome i feel like i made a difference today!

 

[Meg]

That's great, Mary!!! :clap:

It's wonderful to hear that when you took a chance to be open you were rewarded with such a helpful and thoughtful response.

All the best,

Meg

 

[Lost]

Just Mary - to add my 2centsworth - well done!

I laughed reading about your 'ladylike 2 glasses' and I was impressed with your honesty in then admitting to the truth!

I hope things continue to go well for you! And please add me as another friend!

 

[just mary]

Thaks again for all the support.

And please add me as another friend!

Thanks Lost!

Yay, don't you love it when things go like they are supposed to?!

Yeah, I do.

So are you going to see the psychiatrist that he mentioned?

Don't know, I guess I'll find out more at my next appointment. The thing is, I think I would rather see a psychologist, I personally believe they are more adept at talking to people. Don't get me wrong, I respect psychiatrists but they always seem much more clinical and detached than psychologists. They all seem have a doctor's ego.

Actually your social life seems pretty active with all of your forum action

This is my only social life these days. I am very isolated and it is all my own doing. I used to have friends but I've slowly cut myself off from them over the years. The doctor asked "why do I drink alone, why don't I drink with friends?" To be honest, most of my old friends didn't drink that much, some not at all. And I always felt weird drinking in front of them, I felt like a loser. So it was just easier to drink at home, by myself. Don't know why I wrote that, maybe just to let you know what I'm about.

But on a more positive note, I am a spare on a soccer team and I'm actually playing tonight. (I do have one friend that still attempts to call me every now and then and she asked if I wanted to be a spare ) It's a start and I'm really going to try at this, even if I think the whole team hates me, I'm still going to keep going back. Wish me luck.

Thanks and take care,

 

[foghlaim]

best of luck mary with the game tonight, even if u don't get to play, at least you are out and meeting friends again.. well done for saying yes.

let us know how u got on ok.

enjoy..

nsa

 

[Peanut]

Good luck Mary! Everything you said makes sense. It sounds like you are well on your way to finding yourself. Playing soccor sounds like a great plan too! The team is lucky to have you! (And what great exercise!).
Congrats Mary, I'm really proud of you.

 

[ThatLady]

Good luck with the soccer game, Mary! It really sounds like fun.

 

[just mary]

Hello,

I had some free time to myself and I really needed to tell someone how I'm feeling. In advance I just wanted to thank everyone who reads this.

I saw the doctor today for my follow-up appointment and it was a bit of a letdown. The first words out of his mouth were "why are you here?" to which I said "huh, I thought I was supposed to be here, you asked me to make a follow-up appointment." Anyway, to make a long story short, he was so different from my first appointment - he was distant and seemed to regard me with some disgust. He was very blunt and kind of cold.

He asked me what I wanted to do about my depression/problems. I was a bit tongue tied, I told him I wanted to stay away from anti-depressants for the time being, I liked private therapy but it was expensive, I didn't have much success with my EAP and frankly, I just didn't know what to do. He then said there was a free clinic down the street but it was first come, first serve and given the fact that I work - it probably wouldn't work out. He said they had a psychiatrist on staff but I probably wouldn't be able to get in until September or October. He then said I could talk to him if I wanted, however, I think he was hoping I would say no, I really don't think this guy likes me very much. I like him but I just don't think he wants to listen to my stupid problems. I think he would much rather spend his time with people who really need help; not some lazy, self-obsessed, narcissistic, boring old woman. (my, that was awfully harsh but it's what I'm thinking.) I hate feeling this way. I just feel tired and hopeless - I was really hoping this would work out. In the end, he said it was up to me, I could make an appointment if I wanted - he said I should think about it. :sigh:

One good thing to come of it is that my liver function tests were all fine. My cholesteral level was high but he told me not to worry about it because I was under 40.

Anyway, I just had to write this down. I'm going to go for a walk now because I really feel like a drink . Hold on, I should clarify, instead of having a drink, I'm going for a walk. Not "I'm going to walk somewhere for a drink." See, I'm all confused and not making any sense and I'm stone cold sober.

Thanks again for reading and take care,

 

[ThatLady]

Ish, Mary. I'm sorry his "bedside manner" is a bit lacking. Since I'm somewhat accustomed to putting "Dr. Speak" into human language, I'll try to translate what he's saying the way I'm "hearing" it:

When he asked you why you were there, that's a common "doctor question". It's almost a pause filler...similar to "err" or "huh". What he means to say is: "What problems are you dealing with currently that you think could use my input?"

He then moved on to your depression and what you envision doing about it. You answered with two things, both with negative connotations. You don't want to take anti-depressives (one door closed), and you prefer private therapy but feel it's too expensive (another door closed). If the doc was having a bad day (they have those, too, unfortunately), he may have heard that as a rejection of what he considers viable treatments. So...he moved on to offer you someone to talk to...him.

In short, I don't think he dislikes you, really. I think it was a combination of things in play. He wasn't having the best day and the thoughts that he might have regarding courses of treatment were rejected by you. He just expressed himself about like a badger with a migraine.

You'll have to think it out and decide what you want to do. Anti-depressants ARE a viable treatment. I'm wondering why you're rejecting that idea, myself. Could you, perhaps, clarify what your feelings are in this regard?

I don't even have to ask about your feelings concerning private therapy. It is extremely expensive, so that sorta goes without saying. I think most doctors realize that's not in the reach of many people, even those who are employed if it isn't covered by insurance, or the person doesn't have insurance.

On to the physical parts of the exam. It's good to hear your liver function tests were good. That's certainly a step forward! As to the cholesterol, do you remember what your level was? I'm not personally in favor of ignoring a cholesterol problem just because a patient is under 40, but a lot depends on just how high the cholesterol is, and what percentage of it is HDL, LDL or VLDL. For many, just a change in diet and an increase in exercise can handle the problem without medication. This may be what he's getting at, but...well, like we said before...badger with a migraine.

 

[Halo]

TL I think that your post was great in seeing a situation from another point of view. I know that as I was reading Mary's post I was getting frustrated and angry at the doctor and it wasn't even me. I then read your post TL and some of what you said make so much sense. I don't ever think of doctors having bad days, seeing options as doors closed etc. You truly have a way with words.

Mary, I can relate to how your felt at your appointment as my gp is pretty much the same way....very stern and to the point. I never go in to just talk with him because he seems like he is too busy for that sort of thing. I, like TL wonder why you are pushing away the idea of meds as well.

I am glad that your medical health problems liver, cholestrol etc. are good. Glad to hear it.

Take care