More threads by AMT

AMT

Member
Lately i've been cutting more and more frequently. i stopped for like two weeks a while ago but finally gave in. i know cutting isn't the solution but i can't stop, i feel so useless. Also, i've been getting more and more daydreams of suicide and hurting myself/others that i can't seem to concentrate at school at all except in short "bursts". Sometimes when i wake up i don't want to get up and face the crowds or any of the people, sometimes even friends, and when i get nervous i feel like somethings twisting my stomach. i feel slightly dizzy and my mind races with images of what could happen even if its obviously not going to. I haven't told anyone anything about any of this i thought i could handle it fine on my own despite my common sense telling me the contrary. I tried a few times, but when i do the words catch in my throat. i feel sick to the stomach and i just become overwhelmed with guilt, even when i think about it, and my brain plays endless scenarios of everyone reacting badly and being ashamed. even if i know that won't be the case i can't shake the thought of it. When i'm happy, or at least not wanting to commit suicide, it can take seconds to bring me back down. I guess im just really lost and need help on what to say because when i think of it my mind goes blank and i just can't think.
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I haven't told anyone anything about any of this i thought i could handle it fine on my own despite my common sense telling me the contrary. I tried a few times, but when i do the words catch in my throat.
Are these friends and family members that you are trying to talk to? It's usually a lot easier to say these things to a therapist than someone you know personally...
 

AMT

Member
Mainly family, It isn't really possible to go see a therapist or w/e "on the quiet", over here i think we have to have parents with us
 

AMT

Member
Well im 14 and even if i could go on my own, which i doubt as i think the age is 16, there would also be the problem of me getting there and my mum working there, though i don't think thats a problem (the hospital)
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Okay. What about a school counsellor? Do they have any in your school?


(and by the way, going with your parents does not necessarily mean that the counselor or therapist will necessarily relay everything you say to them - that's something you can directly discuss with the therapist)
 

AMT

Member
I think theres kind of one... he's not a specialised councellor he just doubles as one, though he's more for someone who s overworked or something, he's not someone you would go to for something like that (i can't really explain it...) and if it's serious enough he can repeat it to my parents. I don't really like the idea of going behind my mum/dads backs i'd probably just feel more guilty. i will have to tell them sometime, so i guess its better sooner than later instead of avoiding it.
 

Eunoia

Member
the counsellor at your school- even if you say he's more for people who are "overworked" (or stressed I'm assuming) would still be a good start. and he might have ideas as to who you could go see/ talk to. and you never know, often people in hs think that's all that counsellors are there for, but really unless they're only career counsellors they will have some basic training in issues related to hs, teens etc. if they work in that kind of a setting. do you have a school nurse? that might be another idea. I don't think you have to say everything right away if you're worried about them contacting your parents, but in the long run it would allow you to be honest and actually get the help you need. Ask about the "policy" around these things and about confidentiality. Also, if you plan on telling them "sometime" as you said, then why not try to do it w/the help of a counsellor to support you? I don't see why the therapisst at the hospital are "obligated" to tell your mom, just b/c she works there. you're still a "client".

in terms of telling people, I agree that someone "objective" would be much easier to tell these things too. I don't usually open up to people but if I know the investment in each other isn't very high and potential "damage" or risks to doing so low, then it's a whole lot easier....and it is such a load off to be able to be honest w/ someone. I don't think you should have to go through this on your own. If you want to tell your family and/or friends but can't find the right words, try writing them out and you could give that to them. or use it to guide you through the conversation. or maybe show them an article on si etc. to get them to understand more about these issues. kind of like an inidirect way of "testing the waters".

If this is interfering w/ your ability to concentrate and you're having thoughts/images of suicide then you gotta do something about this. this is nothing to be ashamed of.... it's ok to want to reach out for help and be lost in this.... anyone would be. if you go from being happy to being sad in a matter of mins, that's another sign things aren't too great... and that talking to someone/anyone would help. depression has a horrible way of grasping to everything that gets into its way.... pls try to talk to someone, they'll be able to help you get from not only knowing that si isn't "the solution" etc. to actually being able to get rid of those urges and thoughts and be happier....
 
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