I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia

[OnMeds]

I'm 22 years old and I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. It has ruined my life and I don't know what to do in order to make myself better. At this point in my life, I'm not working and I don't go to school (stigma). Without my family, I'd be completely socially isolated. They help in some ways, but we don't talk that often because I usually don't have much to say. I spend my days hoping for better days. I almost never seem to get a break from my problems (whether they be real or not) and I am obsessed with trying to get better. Though, I fear that this trying to get better is making me worse. First of all, I don't really know what my problem is, sometimes there doesn't seem to be one, while at other times it's obvious that something is wrong. At least one of my problems is that I sometimes keep obsessing about the smallest things (details, like -> eating the perfect breakfast) and I'll feel the need to go back into the past and constantly think about the same thing over and over again and then ending up being sort of stuck in my head until I've thought of the problem in a certain way... ...And then eventually I get better and I'm free again.

I'm not sure how else to explain it and I'm not sure if it even needs explaining or if it's even wise to try and make sense of it (of what exactly?). I'm told that there is something wrong (and I sense it at times, but I'm not sure if there would be something wrong without someone first telling me that there is something wrong) and that's why I want to figure out what's wrong and make things better. That's why I'm here. I could use some support and insight. Thank you!

By the way, I was normal before the drugs and booze came along (+bad friends, etc). I only hope that it's not too late...


Kind regards,
Peter

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I desperately need help and I'll follow any good advise that I get.

Thank you

 

[Charity]

Hello, and welcome to the forum!

The first thing I'm wondering is whether or not you are currently in any sort of therapy? It sounds like you're having a difficult time even defining the exact nature of your problems to yourself, let alone solving them-- and a good therapist can be of enormous help on that journey.

Coming here is also a great way to find information and support for just about anything that crosses your mind. If nothing else, you can be reassured that there are lots of us who deal with these incapacitating issues on a daily basis, and you are most assuredly not alone.

I don't have time to say more now, but again, welcome! I hope you find this place as helpful as I have.

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: OnMeds aka Peter. :welcome: to Psychlinks.

Are you currently seeing a Psychologist or Psychiatirst?
What have they suggested to you so far?

I have found that therapy taught me a lot. This site too has taught me a lot as well.

Schizophrenia & Related Disorders - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum this is the link to the Schizophrenia area of the forum

Here is another link about Stigma and Raising Awareness.
Attitudes, Myths, Stigma, and Raising Awareness - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum


It is never too late Peter. Please always remember that.

 

[white page]

:welcome2: looking forward to getting to know you OnMeds

 

[Halo]

Welcome to Psychlinks Peter :welcome2:

Please make sure you review and familiarize yourself with the Forum Rules and I hope to see you around :wave:

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Peter,

Welcome to Psychlinks

I know that the process can be a hard sometimes. But from this post, I see a lot of good stuff - it's obvious that you want to understand your illness. In my books, that's half the battle right there.

Can I ask whether you've sought therapy? I understand that you're taking medications - that's great.

And I'll share just a little tonight - I currently have 4 diagnosed family members who have schizophrenia. I won't reveal too much other than to tell you that, with the help of medications and therapy, they lead really normal lives. For the most part, they're happy. They have good relationships with other people. Of them, 2 of them are married. Each one of them are in the professional realm - and one of them is a psychiatrist.

And while I won't give you medical advice (I'm not in that field) - They've all had their struggles but, through diligence with their medications and therapy - they're all leading a life that isn't much different from mine.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Hello, Peter...

What medications are you taking currently and how often do you see your psychiatrist and other mental health professionals?

Are you familiar with Bill McPhee and his life story?

You'll find a number of helpful articles and resources at:

Schizophrenia & Related Disorders - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

Search?:: Psychlinks Medical and Mental Health Support Groups Directory

 

[forgetmenot]

Welcome, Peter. I too have family members with this illness - 3 in all - and on their medications they are quite stable. My daughter is 20 yrs old and is getting her medications regulated and i see a great improvement in her. I hope you have a good psychiatrist who will help you through counselling You will get lots of support here take care mary

 

[OnMeds]

Thank you to everyone for the kind responses. I feel better already!

It's good to know that in some ways I don't have to go through this alone. I hope to meet other diagnosed people who are experiencing similar problems (whatever those may be - I still have trouble understanding what this illness is. What is it? I know what it is in some ways, but I don't know which part of me is the ill part, etc... And it is very different to read about this illness vs. experiencing it firsthand) and get advise. Also, I hope to read about how some of you cope with your symptoms. By the way, I'm not too sure about my symptoms either. For instance, I've read somewhere that a hallucination isn't really a hallucination if the other person doesn't believe that it's real. Well, when I get "visions," I'm the experiencer and not aware at that moment that it's not real... OR... am I? You see, I don't know if I truly hallucinate or not. How can I be certain? And secondly, isn't a thought a type of hallucination (meaning it's not really there, the thought)? You see, I get confused by thinking about this stuff. I just want to understand it. Please help me.

Part of me is scared to find out as much as I can about this illness because that part doesn't really believe that I'm all that ill. And it doesn't make matters any better when my father tells me that I'm creating my problems and/or having others (like a psychiatrist) create them for me. My father had his own mental problems when I was younger and isn't very supportive.

The first thing I'm wondering is whether or not you are currently in any sort of therapy?

I have a psychiatrist who I see every 3-4 weeks. Also, I have a court appointed (for stealing liquor after I ran out of money) support worker (mental health diversion program), but she doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through... There are other therapies available (like group therapy), but I don't think this would be a good idea at this time (I'm scared of meeting new people now).

How could a therapist be an enormous help if I have trouble opening up? ...I have a hard time (usually) talking to my psychiatrist. You're probably right, but I'm just not ready to take that step yet. However, I did tell my psychiatrist that I was interested in Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

Are you currently seeing a Psychologist or Psychiatirst?
What have they suggested to you so far?

So far, I've been told to keep taking my medication (which is 5mgs of Risperdal) and that's about it (+the talks with my psychiatrist). I'm not sure if it's the medication, but I am starting to feel better... Though, I wish this feeling was a little more consistent.

And I'll share just a little tonight - I currently have 4 diagnosed family members who have schizophrenia. I won't reveal too much other than to tell you that, with the help of medications and therapy, they lead really normal lives. For the most part, they're happy. They have good relationships with other people. Of them, 2 of them are married. Each one of them are in the professional realm - and one of them is a psychiatrist.

I'm glad for that (that other people with schizophrenia are living a social life), but I'm not sure that this is something that's in the cards for me. For instance, I didn't attend my cousin's recent wedding because I am no longer a social person and social situations scare me. Maybe I'll get passed this one day, but my hopes aren't high in this regard. I have been friendless for the past 2 years.

What medications are you taking currently and how often do you see your psychiatrist and other mental health professionals?

I see my psychiatrist every 3-4 weeks and I'm currently taking 5mgs of Risperdal. The psychiatrist has observed some progress, so he didn't increase the dose again. I'm not sure if I should get it increased.

Thank you for the links, I'll be sure to read all of them. Thanks, again!


Kind regards,
Peter

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I think what I experience is called "intrusive thoughts," not hallucinations. Or is it the same thing? I want to be strict about this.

And I've got other problems, but I don't know how to describe them. Maybe I'd get more out of therapy (with my psychiatrist) if I knew how to describe exactly what I'm going through. Do you think it would help?

 

[NicNak]

So far, I've been told to keep taking my medication (which is 5mgs of Risperdal) and that's about it (+the talks with my psychiatrist). I'm not sure if it's the medication, but I am starting to feel better... Though, I wish this feeling was a little more consistent.

How long have you been taking the meds? Sometimes it take a little bit to adjust to them and for them to take full effect.

I am very happy you are starting to feel better, that is a great step.

I have found with my Psychiatrist, if I just say how I think things. What ever is on my mind or concering me even in the slightest about my symptoms.

They know how to figure out how we are feeling.

Maybe try to write a journal of your thoughts, symptoms or feelings. This might help too. Maybe you can ask your Psychiatrist if you can give this to them.

Again, I am so happy you are starting to feel better Peter. One step at a time. As the saying goes, "slow and steady, wins the race"

A very good friend of mine has Schizophrenia as well. He does very well now too. He follows the directions of his medication schedule and makes sure he keeps his appointments with his doctor. He does well.

I am sure you will too

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Peter i am glad you are feeling better. My daughter is on resperidone now to and she is doing so much better on it. Writing your thoughts and questions down is a great idea. This will give you doctor information he may need and use to help you further. Remember little steps at a time. You are doing great to get the help now as the earlier you get help the better outcome take care mary

 

[OnMeds]

I have been taking my medication for about 3 months now.

I don't feel so good anymore !

I'M IN HELL RIGHT NOW :hissyfit: !

I'm sorry.

 

[OnMeds]

This is why I have thoughts of suicide every single day. I probably don't have the guts to do it, but I spend time thinking about it and the impact it would have... I just don't want to feel like this anymore. It keeps getting worse.

You've all been so great to me and I shouldn't post stuff like this... But it's how I feel. I guess I need to post it. I'm sorry

Please don't take any of this the wrong way. I feel like I'm evil. I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry, but I don't know what else to do. I hope for someone to somehow help me. I don't know how that's going to be possible, but I NEED to try. I'm sorry.

LIFE SUCKS FOR ME!

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I'd love to go outside now (it's nighttime) and scream at the top of my lungs. I won't though.

WHAT SHOULD I DO? PLEASE TELL ME! *I'm desperate* !

 

[Halo]

Peter,

The first thing that I would do is to call a crisis center, contact your local mental health center or go to the local hospital emergency if you are seriously scared of what you may do. Suicide is definitely not the answer and there is help out there. Just because you haven't found the right help yet doesn't mean that it isn't out there.

The second thing that I would do is contact your psychiatrist and tell him that it is urgent that you see him or at least talk to him about your medication. Maybe an increase or an adjustment is needed and talking to him may help.

The third thing that I would suggest is that you do continue to post here abotu how you are feeling because many of us have been where you are and it is difficult. While we can't fix you, give you a diagnosis or make you do anything, we can listen, offer suggestions or advice and just be here when you need us.

Take care Peter and please call someone if you are in need of immediate help. Here is a thread that has all the crisis help line numbers that you need: Suicide Resources

 

[Budoaiki]

Hello Peter,

I probably don't have the guts to do it, but I spend time thinking about it and the impact it would have... I just don't want to feel like this anymore. It keeps getting worse.

Respectively, I disagree with your statement about suicide requiring guts.

I view suicide as giving up on your yourself and a waste because the struggles you've endured up until that point would be for nothing. I think it's good you are thinking about the impact it would have especially concerning how it would negatively effect your family, friends and anyone else who cares about you.

What I think really takes guts it is to live, to know the burdens you carry, that life won't always be easy and to have the strength to reach out for a helping hand when you need it.

These are things you are already doing so to me it looks like you have plenty of guts; You know your life could be easier, You are strong enough to admit your faults, You value your life enough that you are working on changes to improve the quality of it.

That takes a lot of guts in my books.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Hello Peter,



Respectively, I disagree with your statement about suicide requiring guts.

I view suicide as giving up on your yourself and a waste because the struggles you've endured up until that point would be for nothing. I think it's good you are thinking about the impact it would have especially concerning how it would negatively effect your family, friends and anyone else who cares about you.

What I think really takes guts it is to live, to know the burdens you carry, that life won't always be easy and to have the strength to reach out for a helping hand when you need it.

These are things you are already doing so to me it looks like you have plenty of guts; You know your life could be easier, You are strong enough to admit your faults, You value your life enough that you are working on changes to improve the quality of it.

That takes a lot of guts in my books.

An excellent post!

 

[Charity]

I'm SO sorry to hear that you're feeling so terrible. Please don't feel like you're alone! There are lots of us here who know exactly how it feels. Remember that we're here to support you any time you need it, no matter how screwed up you might be feeling at the moment.

As hard it it may be to believe while it's happening, these feelings aren't forever. You CAN come through to the other side and move forward to better days and happier times. Make use of the resources available to you! We're always here. There are 24-hour hotlines that you can call if you need someone to talk to. And as Halo said, you can always go in to your local crisis center or emergency room if you feel unsafe. It's so easy to feel alone and trapped in your own mind, but thoughts are just thoughts and not reality. You're never alone; there are always options.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you're holding up! :support:

 

[OnMeds]

I feel like it's over for me. I can't seem to find the words to express exactly what I'm feeling. I can't type and I don't know how to say something in the right way, where to put the commas, etc. It just seems so pointless. I feel like it's too late and no matter what I do my brain will keep on failing, for example, yesterday at night I couldn't sleep so I was listening to the radio, but I just couldn't seem to focus on what was being said. It's like I'm going deaf and blind even though there's nothing physically wrong with my ears and eyes. That's just one part of it. There's more, much more, but I don't really know what it is. I mean... It's almost nothing, but it's everything at the same time. I feel stupid. I want to change, but it's so hard and I don't know where to start or what to do.

When I started dabbling with drugs and alcohol I was your normal good-looking smart student. A few years later. I'm waking up and I don't like what I see in the mirror and who I've become. I just think the worst of myself. I don't recognize the person staring back. Anyway, that's not really important. So I've gained about 30lbs and had my nose broken... It's not so bad. Or it wouldn't be so bad, if only I had a properly working brain. But I don't. I can't do anything. I'm doomed. The future looks bad. Very bad. I'm not free, I'm closed off.

My problems remain and they'll continue to remain... Schizophrenia or whatever I'm experiencing feels like the end of the road. I'm on my deathbed. I've imagined it. It scares me. Completely.

What should I do when everything looks so bad. I just want to be me again. The me from when everything was good. But what if that me wasn't fine, what if I always had something wrong with me? That's not true, but I can imagine it as being true. No one told me because they were trying to protect me, etc. Besides, the schizophrenia and autism forums are always in the same section. Maybe. NO!

Things were really good once upon a time. I want to be that same person and experience life in that same way. But it just doesn't seem possible now. Too much time has gone by. I've really failed myself. Could it be good again? But it won't be like it was!

I once had a 3 week drinking binge after I got sick. I think it changed me forever. THAT WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST MISTAKES OF MY LIFE. I have schizophrenia and I drank alcohol... GREAT!

Now what? I quit smoking and drinking caffeine today. And I've been eating super healthy. I want to do everything I can to help myself. But unfortunately there are no miracle cures... I NEED to be told that I don't have schizophrenia. Life would seem more possible then.

I don't know. I just don't know.

I wish I could just travel back in time.

:noidea:

Thanks to everyone who has posted. It does help in some ways. At least I don't feel as alone. It gives me hope. Thank you. But do I deserve it? I'm not so sure about that. Do I deserve to feel good? Maybe I feel this way because I deserve to feel this way. Sorry.

Anyway, I thank you!

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This is a good place though. A really good place!

 

[Halo]

How would telling you that you don't have Schizophrenia make everything better? It is just a name, it is NOT who you are. It does not define you. What you are experiencing and feeling would be there whether someone said that you have Schizophrenia or not. You feel how you feel.

Again, I know you are struggling and many of us have been there but I would suggest that you re-read the post that I made above and I hope it helps.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

First, Peter, none of us gets to choose things like this. Some have one illness, physical or mental; some have another. Some have two or more illnesses or disabilities to cope with.

We don't get to choose the hand we're dealt but we can choose what to do with it.

You have schizophrenia. That isn't fun but it doesn't mean your life is over.

Above every thing else, it means that you absolutely must continue to take your medications and you absolutely must avoid alcohol and all non-prescription drugs.

Ask your doctor or your family to help get you in touch with support services and support groups. It may seem difficult to do these things but when you see the results you'll be glad you made the effort.

Learn everything you can about schizophrenia - what it is, what it isn't, how it's treated, how to manage the illness, and how to get your life back while living with the illness.

And don't give up hope. Read about what other people have done with their lives in spite of having schizophrenia. If they can do it, you can do it.