I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia

[white page]

Hi Onmeds,
I have read your posts carefully, You are so much more than the disorder you have been diagnosed with.

I know it must seem as if your brain is in the claws of this disorder, believe me that it is possible to return back to yourself , someone very close to me has the same disorder as you. Her Doctors after searching around for a while with different medications and dosages, this person has now been stabilised and has been for a number of years with a good and serene quality of life.

Feeling that you are close to the edge is part of this disorder, as Budoaiki says YOU HAVE COURAGE, writing as you do of your thoughts and feelings , takes guts , the very fact that you have come here shows that you have a strong life force within you.

May I suggest that you see your Doctor as soon as you can and tell him/her
how you are feeling , can you do that please .

My best wishes wp

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Peter you can't get discouraged. It takes awhile before the doctor can get your medicatiion regulated. My daughter is just getting stable but had to go through what you went through. She had a terrible time but now she is stable but she had to work at it. She also learned staying off alcohol and street drugs is a must or you will not stablize. Give your doctor a chance at getting the right combination of medication for you. You may need a mood stabilizer, just give it time it is not hopeless. You can do anything you want if you just put your mind to it. My daughter is now talking about going back to college. It can be done. I think for sure get your parents to set you up with a coucillor for alcohol and drugs and also a mental health coucillor who you can talk with. Stay strong and be patient Peter it takes time to stabilize I know you have the strength you can do this. mary

 

[NicNak]

I feel stupid.

Peter, I assure you, you are not supid. Just from what I am reading here, you seem like a very intelligent person.

I want to change, but it's so hard and I don't know where to start or what to do.

One step at a time Peter. As I said, "slow and steady wins the race" Always make sure you try to be nice and kind to your self along the way. You are very strong Peter.

Things were really good once upon a time. I want to be that same person and experience life in that same way. But it just doesn't seem possible now. Too much time has gone by. I've really failed myself. Could it be good again? But it won't be like it was!

Peter, you are very hard on yourself. You have not failed yourself. One would never say someone with Diabedes has failed themself. You are not a failure Peter.

Yes, things can be good again. You will see It just takes a bit of time to adjust the medications and to learn the coping skills from your Psychiatrist. Over time, things will get easier. I assure you. Please do not give up.

I want to do everything I can to help myself. But unfortunately there are no miracle cures... I NEED to be told that I don't have schizophrenia. Life would seem more possible then.

Life is still possable Peter, it truly is. The title of any diagnosis can be hard to take, but as others have said. It does not define you as a person. There are so many wonderful things people with Schizophrenia have done.

This was recently wrote up in the Schizophrenia Magazine. Take a read.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/attitude...ising-awareness/17449-racing-to-wellness.html

Thanks to everyone who has posted. It does help in some ways. At least I don't feel as alone.

You are not alone Peter, always remember that.

It gives me hope.

I am glad for this, because there IS hope.

But do I deserve it? I'm not so sure about that. Do I deserve to feel good? Maybe I feel this way because I deserve to feel this way. Sorry.

Yes, you do deserve goodness Peter. We all do. Please try to remember that. Having Schitzophrenia is NOT your fault and it is not the end.

Allow yourself to feel good, while following your doctors instructions. You will see, bit by bit, you will start to understand your condition better and learn ways to cope.

There are many support groups. SSC Home Page
This is the Schizophrenia Society of Canada. I am not sure where you live.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Since this thread has evolved well beyond a simple introduction, I have changed the title. I'll leave it here for a bit longer ansd then move it into the Schizophrenia & Related Disorders Forum.

 

[OnMeds]

Re: Hi

Thanks everyone! I feel much better from yesterday.

How would telling you that you don't have Schizophrenia make everything better? It is just a name, it is NOT who you are. It does not define you. What you are experiencing and feeling would be there whether someone said that you have Schizophrenia or not. You feel how you feel.

That's like the third or fourth time someone has said that to me and I just don't get it. Having a diagnosis changes everything and it obviously affects me in not so good ways. It doesn't make things better to be diagnosed (not for me). It had/has a definite NEGATIVE impact on my life. For one, I drank more... I felt like my life was over. The more I read about it, the more depressed I became.

Here, I'll give you a good example of what I mean: someone getting diagnosed with cancer. Sure, it's just a word to you and me, but to the person who's diagnosed with it, it's everything. It changes everything.

Again, I know you are struggling and many of us have been there but I would suggest that you re-read the post that I made above and I hope it helps.

The first thing that I would do is to call a crisis center, contact your local mental health center or go to the local hospital emergency if you are seriously scared of what you may do. Suicide is definitely not the answer and there is help out there. Just because you haven't found the right help yet doesn't mean that it isn't out there.

I wouldn't have anything to say. If I'd be ready to kill myself, then I would just do it. By the way, I'm scared of dying and I think about it on a daily basis.

The second thing that I would do is contact your psychiatrist and tell him that it is urgent that you see him or at least talk to him about your medication. Maybe an increase or an adjustment is needed and talking to him may help.

It doesn't really help to talk to my psychiatrist because I can't be completely open with him. I can't seem to be open with anyone, without becoming scared and introverted.

The third thing that I would suggest is that you do continue to post here about how you are feeling because many of us have been where you are and it is difficult. While we can't fix you, give you a diagnosis or make you do anything, we can listen, offer suggestions or advice and just be here when you need us.

Thanks, I really appreciate that. I still feel like I don't deserve it. I haven't done anything on here for anyone else.

Take care Peter and please call someone if you are in need of immediate help.

I don't think I'd be able to call anyone. I try to open up to my family or sister at times, but I don't do so well. It's really hard for me. I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable with. I'm just not open to it. So, what can I do to change that without feeling so overwhelmed?

We don't get to choose the hand we're dealt but we can choose what to do with it.

I sometimes feel doomed with the hand I was dealt. It makes me feel that way. However, I do feel optimistic at times, but it doesn't last long enough for me to make some real progress. I think I keep making the wrong choices and that's why I end up going through hell.

You have schizophrenia. That isn't fun but it doesn't mean your life is over.

Well, maybe I don't. I must have some brain damage, but that doesn't mean it's schizophrenia. How can I be sure? Maybe they made a mistake!

Ask your doctor or your family to help get you in touch with support services and support groups. It may seem difficult to do these things but when you see the results you'll be glad you made the effort.

I've seen results before when I went back to school, but they were short-lived and I ended up going through more hell than I started with. I don't want to go through that again. It got really bad.

And don't give up hope. Read about what other people have done with their lives in spite of having schizophrenia. If they can do it, you can do it.

Thank you. One thing though: I was an underachiever before I became ill. How do I change that now with this illness?

May I suggest that you see your Doctor as soon as you can and tell him/her how you are feeling , can you do that please .

I have an appointment coming up, but we probably won't discuss things like this - we never do. My visits with my psychiatrist are usually short (10-15 minutes)... I don't know how this is supposed to help. I guess it's up to the medication.

Hi Peter you can't get discouraged. It takes awhile before the doctor can get your medication regulated. My daughter is just getting stable but had to go through what you went through. She had a terrible time but now she is stable but she had to work at it. She also learned staying off alcohol and street drugs is a must or you will not stabilize. Give your doctor a chance at getting the right combination of medication for you. You may need a mood stabilizer, just give it time it is not hopeless. You can do anything you want if you just put your mind to it. My daughter is now talking about going back to college. It can be done. I think for sure get your parents to set you up with a counselor for alcohol and drugs and also a mental health counselor who you can talk with. Stay strong and be patient Peter it takes time to stabilize I know you have the strength you can do this. mary

I think I go back and forth from being stable to being unstable. I don't sleep well (waking up 5 times+ a night) and in the mornings I get weird dreams and my head is usually buzzing with something. I can't seem to concentrate. My memory is bad. Etc ect ect.

Peter, I assure you, you are not stupid. Just from what I am reading here, you seem like a very intelligent person.

Thank you for saying that, but I'm still not sure. My IQ has definitely dropped over the past few years. I'd like to get it up there somehow, but how?

You have not failed yourself. One would never say someone with Diabetes has failed themself.

What if they ate a lot of sugar before they became ill? I did fail myself. Now, how do I fix it? I need to know how to fix the brain damage and become a better person.

You will see It just takes a bit of time to adjust the medications and to learn the coping skills from your Psychiatrist.

My psychiatrist doesn't teach me anything.

Having Schizophrenia is NOT your fault and it is not the end.

I've convinced myself that it is my fault.


The answers just don't seem to be there. I guess it's up to the medication, but what if the medication is making me worse?


Kind regards,
Peter

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Hi

That's like the third or fourth time someone has said that to me and I just don't get it. Having a diagnosis changes everything and it obviously affects me in not so good ways. It doesn't make things better to be diagnosed (not for me). It had/has a definite NEGATIVE impact on my life. For one, I drank more... I felt like my life was over. The more I read about it, the more depressed I became.

Here, I'll give you a good example of what I mean: someone getting diagnosed with cancer. Sure, it's just a word to you and me, but to the person who's diagnosed with it, it's everything. It changes everything.

Not really. You had schizophrenia before the psychiatrist diagnosed you. The individual had cancer before being diagnosed with that illness. The only difference is now you know what was causing the problems you were having.

It doesn't really help to talk to my psychiatrist because I can't be completely open with him. I can't seem to be open with anyone, without becoming scared and introverted.

That's where a support group might help.

Well, maybe I don't. I must have some brain damage, but that doesn't mean it's schizophrenia. How can I be sure? Maybe they made a mistake!

That's not very likely.

I think I go back and forth from being stable to being unstable. I don't sleep well (waking up 5 times+ a night) and in the mornings I get weird dreams and my head is usually buzzing with something. I can't seem to concentrate. My memory is bad.

Have you told your psychiatrist this?

I guess it's up to the medication, but what if the medication is making me worse?

That's not possible. It is possible that the medication you're on isn't fully effective. You may need to have the dose adjusted at some point or you may even need to switch to a different medication. But the best person to make that decision is your psychiatrist. You just need to make a strong effort to let the psychiatrist know how you're feeling.

 

[OnMeds]

Not really. You had schizophrenia before the psychiatrist diagnosed you. The individual had cancer before being diagnosed with that illness. The only difference is now you know what was causing the problems you were having.

That maybe so, but I wasn't experiencing these kinds of problems back then (Ex. I didn't appear to be schizophrenic during my first mental evaluation. It was only during my second mental evaluation AND after I told them that my father and his mother have both experienced mental problems in the past, which isn't completely accurate and it definitely doesn't mean that they have schizophrenia. The inaccuracy sealed the deal for me). After I was diagnosed I started reading (by the way, I have trouble reading now. I think it's because I'm having major problems with my concentration. I can't seem to concentrate on anything. My mind is always somewhere else and the medication doesn't seem to be helping this... In fact, I think the medication made it worse) about schizophrenia and what it is, AND it started to change me in not so good ways. Now, that might fit in with this: the cancer patient may not actually have schizophrenia yet they'll be forced to go through chemotherapy and led to believe that they have something which they really do not have. I sometimes feel like that, like the person who doesn't have cancer yet goes through chemo and suffers.

Perhaps I do have schizophrenia and perhaps I'm like this because I haven't been taking my meds. I don't know what to believe. Both appear to be plausible.

That's where a support group might help.

That maybe so too, but I'm scared and I won't want to take that next step (towards group therapy) unless something changes - unless my mental state changes. I see this happening: I'll be the only one who doesn't say much and I'll feel like I'm lagging behind even among fellow schizophrenics. That would be a terrible feeling. I feel bad enough and that's why I try to avoid feeling even worse.

Have you told your psychiatrist this?

Not exactly. How will it help? I don't see it helping... Though, I will tell him. Anyway, I think he already knows based on my behavior.

You may need to have the dose adjusted at some point or you may even need to switch to a different medication.

How will I know if the medication is fully effective? What's the best antipsychotic medication out there? What if I'm not really psychotic to begin with? And what if it never gets better than this?

You just need to make a strong effort to let the psychiatrist know how you're feeling.

Yelling at the top of my lungs in his office should do the trick! (I've been having this urge lately) What else should I tell him? (Should I show him my posts?)

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On second thought -> I wouldn't show my psychiatrist these posts of mine (quote: "My psychiatrist doesn't teach me anything" - plus - my thoughts aren't in order and it's just embarrassing... So, nevermind!

By the way, my psychiatrist told me that he's 90% sure that I do have schizophrenia. Go 10%!

If someone is wrongfully diagnosed with a severe mental illness then the diagnosis alone can potentially cause major problems for that person. I maybe that person (who knows...).

But there is a strong chance that I do have it.

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How can I be certain that I really do have schizophrenia? Is this even possible?

 

[Jazzey]

Hi OM,

I know that can be scary. But you really need to trust your primary physician. in this case, you have an expert telling you the diagnosis. As much as it can be scary, (and disappointing) can you just trust them? I know first and that the news isn't always what we what we want to hear. But sometimes. at least for me, that objective perspective is invaluable...And I'm forced to think about my real avenues....

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Additionally, OnMeds, it's important that you hear this, even though you won't like it: You have schizophrenia. No amount of wishing it weren't true is going to make it go away. Your doctor prescribed the medication because it's the only thing that can help you. It is NOT making you worse; it cannot do that. If you stop taking your medication, you will get a whole lot worse and quickly.

There are times when you just have to accept that your own thinking isn't clear and that you have to listen to your doctors and others who are seeing things more realistically. This is one of those times.

 

[white page]

Hi Peter,
Dr. Baxter did suggest that you find out all you can about schizophrenia, this important for you, as you will discover that it is in no way your fault, you will also discover what Dr. Baxter says below is totally true and correct.

Dr. Baxter.
There are times when you just have to accept that your own thinking isn't clear and that you have to listen to your doctors and others who are seeing things more realistically. This is one of those times.

What's the best antipsychotic medication out there?

Each individual reacts differently to medication , so there is no best antipsychotic in a global sense, at times it takes a little while to find the medication and dosage which is appropriate for you.

You have written very clearly here all the concerns and questions which are bothering you at the moment, your written communication is excellent , may I suggest that you write down the pertinent questions that you would like your psychiatrist to answer, and consequently take this along with you on your next appointment, at the beginning of the appointment ask your Doctor to read it, saying that you find it easier to communicate your thoughts in the written form. Would that be possible for you to do Peter?

best wishes wp

 

[OnMeds]

I don't know... Thinking that they're wrong and that I don't have schizophrenia makes me happy. It gives me hope. It makes sense. I've read about this illness and it doesn't make sense. There is very little [new information] known about this so-called brain disease and its causes. It's frustrating. I keep reading the same thing over and over again and it just doesn't make sense anymore. Help me. What do I not understand? HOW do I fix things?

This is really frustrating. I'm sad.

Question: I've heard that it's possible to prevent schizophrenia in people who are predisposed to this disorder, so why is it not possible to reverse it to the point of never getting it (being cured)? I'd bet that there are people who are schizophrenic and cure themselves but we just don't hear about those cases because they never go for a mental evaluation and take meds (and therefore aren't cursed...).

I feel cursed!

It's all up to the medication, right? Well, how can I help myself? (What's the secret?) I eat very healthy (and lost a few pounds), exercise (some), log-on here, ... ? What else? (Oh, and I take vitamin/mineral and omega 3 supplements). I don't do much else. Mostly I just try to focus (which can get difficult) on what's on TV. I always what'd to start studying something and learning, but these meds and my symptoms aren't letting me. I just sit there in front of the TV, scared for my life and wasting away. Help me with this. I need to do something!

I'm sorry if I sound desperate, but that's just what I am.


Kind regards,
Peter

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I'll try to tell my psychiatrist all of this, but he isn't much help. I feel like there is no help out there for me. It's either, I help myself or I don't get helped. But how do I help myself if I'm in this state? I seriously believe that stopping that medication would help.

I don't know how to help myself.

 

[Jazzey]

Question: I've heard that it's possible to prevent schizophrenia in people who are predisposed to this disorder, so why is it not possible to reverse it to the point of never getting it (being cured)? I'd bet that there are people who are schizophrenic and cure themselves but we just don't hear about those cases because they never go for a mental evaluation and take meds (and therefore aren't cursed...).

I feel cursed!

There is nothing cursed about you Peter. I understand the frustration, the confusion and the pain. But you are who you are - and this has absolutely nothing to do with your 'medical diagnosis'.

As I've said in a previous post, I have a few family members who've also been diagnosed with schizophrenia...one of them is a dentist and the other is a pharmacist and the oldest one is a psychiatrist. They're now in their late 40s or early 50s and doing well...with the proviso that they've listened to their psychiatrist, taken their medications and accepted the diagnosis as just that - a diagnosis.

On their father's side of the family, there were other members who suffered from the schizophrenia. They understood that this was a possibility with their health. You can't prevent schizophrenia Peter. I really wish it were that easy. But, you can be responsible about your treatment once you've received the diagnosis. And actually lead a very fulfilling, full and happy life.

Sometimes, when we're so busy battling the diagnosis - we just can't keep living life the way that it was intended...As scary as all of this is, you're obviously bright and strong. So for right now, do you think that you can just simply learn more about your condition so that you may lead a life that is worthy of happiness and all that other wonderful stuff?

Your psychiatrist can't help you accept this diagnosis. But he can help you in providing you with the knowledge that you need in order to stay healthy and lead that full life...Maybe that's the best use of your psychiatrist? That he provide you with the invaluable insight about what your specific condition entails, what your best recourses are - so that you can stay healthy and happy? :support:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't know... Thinking that they're wrong and that I don't have schizophrenia makes me happy. It gives me hope. It makes sense.

It gives you false hope. And it doesn't actually make sense at all, any more than convincing yourself you didn't have cancer wouldn't make sense. Either way, you still have the disease. And convincing yourself you don't may well make it more likely that you won't take the treatment you require for that disease.

I've read about this illness and it doesn't make sense. There is very little [new information] known about this so-called brain disease and its causes.

Actually, that's simply not true. More and more is learned every day about schizophrenia. There are also more new medications every year and more in development with the pharmaceutical companies on an ongoing basis. There's also ongoing research into other forms of treatment (i.e., CBT, social skills training, etc.) that can help individuals suffering from schizophrenia by augmenting the benefits of their medication.

I keep reading the same thing over and over again and it just doesn't make sense anymore. Help me. What do I not understand? HOW do I fix things?

1. By accepting that you have this illness, schizophrenia. The more you resist this, the longer it will take for you to get your life back.

2. By taking the medication prescribed by your doctor, letting him know how you're doing and how you're feeling so he can properly adjust your medication, and asking your doctor to refer you to support groups and treatment programs in your area that will help you.

Question: I've heard that it's possible to prevent schizophrenia in people who are predisposed to this disorder, so why is it not possible to reverse it to the point of never getting it (being cured)?

No. That would be nice but it's simply not true.

I'd bet that there are people who are schizophrenic and cure themselves but we just don't hear about those cases because they never go for a mental evaluation and take meds (and therefore aren't cursed...).

I would bet that this is NOT true. Those who don't get treated are more likely to end up in jail, homeless, or dead.

It's all up to the medication, right?

That is the most important, yes, but it's not ALL up to the medication, no.

Well, how can I help myself? (What's the secret?) I eat very healthy (and lost a few pounds), exercise (some), log-on here, ... ? What else? (Oh, and I take vitamin/mineral and omega 3 supplements).

All that is good for general health but it won't help with the schizophrenia.

I don't do much else. Mostly I just try to focus (which can get difficult) on what's on TV. I always wanted to start studying something and learning, but these meds and my symptoms aren't letting me. I just sit there in front of the TV, scared for my life and wasting away. Help me with this. I need to do something!

See my suggestions above.

I'll try to tell my psychiatrist all of this, but he isn't much help. I feel like there is no help out there for me. It's either, I help myself or I don't get helped. But how do I help myself if I'm in this state? I seriously believe that stopping that medication would help.

Not only would it ansolutely NOT help, but it would make things considerably worse. That would be a very bad idea indeed.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Peter as the others have said it is so important to stay on the medication the doctors give you okay. My sister was in the army 25 years and stable on her medication she won all kinds of awards as well and she had schizophrenia. She trained others she was top of her class. The way to stay stable is to take the medications the doctors have ordered. It just takes time to get stable Peter. You can lead a normal life mary

 

[NicNak]

Peter it is very important you listen to the instructions of your psychiatrist and take your medication as prescribed and tell your psychiatrist all the things you mention here too. Maybe bring a print of this thread to give to your psychiatrist.

They will understand. They understand us, even if we don't always think they might. They sure do understand

You will see, things will get better. The way to get better is to follow your doctors instructions and to communicate how you are feeling to your Psychiatrist, being open and honest. Then they know how best to issue the treatments we need to get better.

:support:

 

[OnMeds]

For the record: I have accepted the fact that I may have schizophrenia. That's why I continue to take my meds and hope to become stable once again. Question: How am I "unstable" right now? I should know these answers, but I don't.

There is nothing cursed about you Peter. I understand the frustration, the confusion and the pain. But you are who you are - and this has absolutely nothing to do with your 'medical diagnosis'.

In bold: I kinda wish it did, because I don't like the person that I've become.

Sometimes, when we're so busy battling the diagnosis - we just can't keep living life the way that it was intended...As scary as all of this is, you're obviously bright and strong. So for right now, do you think that you can just simply learn more about your condition so that you may lead a life that is worthy of happiness and all that other wonderful stuff?

Where should I start?

It gives you false hope. And it doesn't actually make sense at all, any more than convincing yourself you didn't have cancer wouldn't make sense. Either way, you still have the disease. And convincing yourself you don't may well make it more likely that you won't take the treatment you require for that disease.

It doesn't make sense only because you believe that I have been rightfully diagnosed. I have my doubts for good reason. False hope is still better than no hope at all, and that's how I felt when I first accepted this diagnosis. Life is still possible, so they say...

Actually, that's simply not true. More and more is learned every day about schizophrenia. There are also more new medications every year and more in development with the pharmaceutical companies on an ongoing basis. There's also ongoing research into other forms of treatment (i.e., CBT, social skills training, etc.) that can help individuals suffering from schizophrenia by augmenting the benefits of their medication.

I've been reading the same information for the past 3 years. It hasn't changed by much. If so, can you refer me to some place where I can read this new information (perhaps a newsletter?)?

1. By accepting that you have this illness, schizophrenia. The more you resist this, the longer it will take for you to get your life back.

OK, I accept my mental illness!

2. By taking the medication prescribed by your doctor, letting him know how you're doing and how you're feeling so he can properly adjust your medication, and asking your doctor to refer you to support groups and treatment programs in your area that will help you.

How will support groups help me when I'm so closed off? For instance, I just took a walk with my sister and it seemed like we had nothing to talk about. We used to talk all the time.

Those who don't get treated are more likely to end up in jail, homeless, or dead.

There could be rare cases (like mine! *kidding*)? But, yeah, I agree with that for the most part.

Hi Peter as the others have said it is so important to stay on the medication the doctors give you okay. My sister was in the army 25 years and stable on her medication she won all kinds of awards as well and she had schizophrenia. She trained others she was top of her class. The way to stay stable is to take the medications the doctors have ordered. It just takes time to get stable Peter. You can lead a normal life mary

I hope so, thank you.

Peter it is very important you listen to the instructions of your psychiatrist and take your medication as prescribed and tell your psychiatrist all the things you mention here too. Maybe bring a print of this thread to give to your psychiatrist.

They will understand. They understand us, even if we don't always think they might. They sure do understand

You will see, things will get better. The way to get better is to follow your doctors instructions and to communicate how you are feeling to your Psychiatrist, being open and honest. Then they know how best to issue the treatments we need to get better

Thank you, that's very comforting! :friends:

 

[Jazzey]

..You will be ok Peter. I know that this is not the diagnosis that you would like to have heard...I too would have liked to have heard that I'm perfectly mentally fit - but that's not my reality. So, I'll grab the bull by its horns - we will be ok Peter...Knowledge about our diagnoses...an appreciation for what we need to do to be ok in this lifetime. You're a smart person, I can tell from your posts. Maybe even gratitude for knowing our conditions? This will take time - It took me 10 years to get here. But I won't lie, I wish I'd gotten here sooner.

Cynicism is ok Peter. Analytical thinking is great - provided that it doesn't impede our recoveries. I totally dismissed my diagnosis 10 years ago - I genuinely wish that I hadn't been so close-minded about it. But, I'm willing to do the work now - I'm worth it, just as you are....

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It doesn't make sense only because you believe that I have been rightfully diagnosed. I have my doubts for good reason.

It's not that difficult to diagnose schizophrenia when you know what to look for and when you have ruled out 2 or 3 alternatives (which any dcecent psychiatrist would have already done).

I've been reading the same information for the past 3 years. It hasn't changed by much. If so, can you refer me to some place where I can read this new information (perhaps a newsletter?)?

Perhaps the Schizophrenia forum here?

How will support groups help me when I'm so closed off? For instance, I just took a walk with my sister and it seemed like we had nothing to talk about. We used to talk all the time.

They will help you to open up. It won't happen overnight but it is something to counteract the social withdrawal and isolation.

 

[OnMeds]

They will help you to open up. It won't happen overnight but it is something to counteract the social withdrawal and isolation.

I just don't want to go through with it at this point in time. Thinking about it makes me shiver. I feel like there will be all these healthy individuals encouraging me to talk and I'll let everyone down (including myself). It doesn't seem worth it. Maybe some time in the future when I'm better.

My goals for now are to become stable enough to start studying Anatomica and/or C++ computer programming. I have started, but it didn't go very far. I become depressed and the task at hand seems pointless. I can't seem to focus on the now. My mind is off somewhere else, doing something else.

By the way, I sometimes hear a low humming sound and when I move my head to the side it stops for about half a second and then it starts up again. It's so annoying. What is this?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I feel like there will be all these healthy individuals encouraging me to talk and I'll let everyone down (including myself).

No. They will be other people in the same situation as you with the same fears and anxieties as you.