I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia

[OnMeds]

Isn't this sort of similar to group therapy? I'm not doing so well.

I just try to get by each day without really doing anything constructive. I'm wasting away. I need help.

IT WON'T STOP!

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I'll speak to my psychiatrist about all this. Thank you.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You keep saying that: "I need help."

Then people give you suggestions. And you tell them why you can't do what they suggest.

One thing is certain: If you do nothing, nothing will change.

 

[OnMeds]

I just don't know what to do when I'm in this mental state. I don't feel right. And unmotivated <-- part of this is due to the medication. In the past, I've been told that I'm lazy. That was before I became ill. Now, I want to change this, but I don't know how. My mental state is making it almost (hopeful!) impossible for me to change.

Does anyone know of any article (or something) that may help me? I spend hours just sitting in a chair, biting my nails, and rocking back and forth. This is the mental state I've been talking about. So, what goes through my head? -> Imagines, past memories, TV shows, etc... It's a whole new reality. I'd like to stop this. It's probably not healthy, but I'm not sure how to stop it. If I try to stop it, I become very uncomfortable and I feel like I'm missing something, so I end up returning. Does any of this make sense? Has anyone gone through something similar? Is it brain damage? I - above everything else - need insight into my condition, but since I'm so closed off... ?

I guess that I'm looking for quick fixes or someone to say something that will help me understand my condition and make thing better for me (some sort of well kept secret). Seems impossible now. There's got to be something! This is why I want to stop taking my pills. These pills are hurting me <- that's what it feels like. The pills have changed me, but I'm not sure if it's for the better. My symptoms (I'm not sure which symptoms exactly) maybe less pronounced, but I don't feel like I've become well. I can't think like I used to and my creativity is down. Side-effects? Great! I don't believe in the same things that I used to believe in, but they're still there. I was never completely insane. Hey, I have a cure for schizophrenia -> complete inability to think. It seems that my symptoms are tied in with the thinking process... So, if you help one, you'll inevitably take away from the other. Is that what happens? Seems like it. Anyway, I'll continue to take my meds.

My reality really blows! I feel like I have no way out of this mess. Trust me, group therapy wouldn't be a good idea at this point. Maybe later. What are my other options?

 

[texasgirl]

Onmeds,

I have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder/schizophrenia? In any case, some of what you describe, including not being able to gather thoughts, sitting around too much, not being organized, etc. are also what I deal with. When I am particularly not doing well, I will go into other rooms in my house but always return to the same room. Part of it is the medication, but part of it I am working on to change. My therapist and I are working on developing a schedule for me for each week. When I used to work, work gave me structure even though there were times when I couldn't work. Because I am not working now, I will be working on following a schedule to gain better control of myself and my days and also as my therapist indicated counteract some of the effects of the medicine which makes it harder sometimes to stay focused. My schedule also includes some exercise, which for me right now is walking every day which also helps.

Maybe some of this can be helpful to you. Wish you the best and I'm sorry you are going through a hard time.

Take care,

TG

 

[OnMeds]

Hey, Texasgirl, thanks for the post and tips (schedule, etc). I'll look into it.

I'm having a really hard time focusing. I can't do anything, I can't think, I can't even watch a program on TV, without feeling like this (it's like this unfocused, confused, and disorientated feeling). This feeling reminds me of the time I overdosed on a plant called Datura. They say that if you eat the white seeds from the pod, you could become permanently crazy. I ate the white seeds.

 

[Retired]

Does anyone know of any article (or something) that may help me?

Two new resources have been added to Psychlinks that you might find informative:

What is Schizophrenia: A Brochure

and

Schizophrenia: A Handbook For Families

I hope you find them to be helpful.

 

[OnMeds]

I guess everyone's given up on me.

By the way, I'm reading the brochure. And I plan on reading all of it. Guess what? It turns out that I actually have schizophrenia (who knew?). Although, there is a very tiny possibility that this whole thing is made up. I can't let that go. I'd quote the text and write my own thoughts, but why bother... I can't win - schizophrenia is real and I, unfortunately, have it. FnCK!

Now, I'll continue to read the brochure................................

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I'm reading!

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi OnMeds I am glad to see your are still reading and getting information on schizophrenia but the most important thing is to stay in touch with your psychiatrist. From what i am reading you continue to feel unstable. The only person that can help you to control these feelings of unstabilty is you Psychiatrist. He or she can try to get the right medications that your symptoms are showing. Tell your psychiatrist what is going on and how you need help take care mary

 

[Retired]

I guess everyone's given up on me.

No one here has given up on you, on the contrary, it seems like everyone is working hard to provide you with information and support so you can continue on the road to treatment.

Glad you are reading the brochure.

 

[OnMeds]

It has become difficult to read.

The problem is that my mind keeps interrupting me and I cannot focus. When I manage to focus for a little while, my mind notices... It's as if my mind wants to sabotage me. I need help with stuff like this. How do I fix stuff like this. I started having this problem last year. I was drinking a lot at the time. I don't drink anymore. Will this resolve itself with practice and abstinence? (I'll see...)

Second, why do I feel the need to realize my failures? I keep thinking of my failures, etc. Instead of doing that, I should use this time on bettering myself; Instead of thinking about how I can't read, I should just read and keep reading, right? You see, this is stupidity. But can I help it? Of course. I'll try.

Back to the brochure........................................................

 

[Budoaiki]

On Meds,

I have bee weary of posting on this thread because I have watched someone very close to me (my mother) struggle with some of things you've described.

I am also struggling with depression and trying to change the feelings of detachment and hopelessness which distort my thinking.

You could say I am am having a hard time finding "the silver lining" right now but I know my perspective makes that hard.

I know I have to change my perspective and I know how unfortunately knowing and doing are two separate things and right now that gap feels like the grand canyon.

A big part of that for me is my internal dialogue.

I noticed similar things in your writing that i see in mine in moments of despair.

The absolute terms like "can't", "won't" and "impossible" and the self deprecation like "why bother".

I also see hope in your words too. You want to change and you said it's almost impossible for you to change. You also said you feel like you have no way out of this mess but you know feelings can change and that it's not impossible to change.

It's easy for me to see that just as it's easy for you to see the hope in the words of others.

And there it is, in my opinion hope is simply a matter of perspective and when you are used to being hopeless it's hard to see it or give it the attention it deserves. You are obviously willing to make the effort to change that because you are trying with therapy and medication and I think the hope you have in that deserves recognition.

Then again that's just my opinion, just another perspective.

 

[OnMeds]

Reading all this stuff about schizophrenia makes me really depressed and confused. I want to read it, remember it, and not get so depressed and confused (or disorientated). There seems to be a lot more known about schizophrenia then I thought, but most of it is meaningless to me. It doesn't answer anything and it doesn't fix anything for me. I need something that will fix my life -> meds and therapy -> takes time... What should I do in the meantime? Nothing.

Am I overly negative? Well, I'm sorry. And I can't help it, because nothing is changing for me. Give it time... Well, how much more time is it going to take? My life will soon be over.

You keep saying that: "I need help."

Then people give you suggestions. And you tell them why you can't do what they suggest.

One thing is certain: If you do nothing, nothing will change.

Good observation. What do you propose I do about it? I need to change, but how? This illness seems to have swallowed me whole.

I even started drinking coffee, again, and I don't feel so good. Question: maybe I have toxic dementia caused by an allergy to caffeine? (Possible?)

 

[Retired]

The information in the brochures was meant to give you some insights into the illness of schizophrenia, and was not meant to be memorized.

If your car broke down, you would probably take it to a specialist: a mechanic.

If your computer broke down, you would probably take it to a computer technician.

This illness seems to have swallowed me whole.......I need something that will fix my life

Doctors and mental health specialists are the people who are trained to treat the illness and the ones into whose care you need to be.

What are you doing about getting competent medical care? Do you have medications that you are currently taking and when is you next follow up appointment with your psychiatrist?

 

[OnMeds]

...And if my mind breaks down, I take it to THIS PLACE!

What are you doing about getting competent medical care? Do you have medications that you are currently taking and when is you next follow up appointment with your psychiatrist?

I am taking 5mgs of Risperdal and my next appointment with my psychiatrist is on the 3rd (next month).

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What do you recommend?

I'm sort of going crazy right now. By the way, I could probably get a earlier appointment to see my psychiatrist. He'll probably just increase my medication to 6mgs and that'll be that. Big help.

I should probably take Mr Baxter's advise and join a support group. This would be one heck of a leap, though.

Anything else?

 

[Into The Light]

how about talking to your psychiatrist that you would like a bit more help? let him know what's going on with you. if you visit and don't say anything, then yes you'll just get a prescription.

 

[NicNak]

Hi Peter. There is these groups called Friends & Advocates.

I am not sure where you live, but there are two locations. One in Toronto here is their website. http://www.friendsandadvocates.org/ This one is located at,

2340 Dundas St. West #g27
Toronto, ON M6P4A9
416 234 9245
Fax: 416 234 9733

Located directly across from Dundas West subway
station in the Crossways Mall. We are wheelchair
accessible and have free parking available for two
hours

If you are interested in becoming a member at
Friends and Advocates Centre, please contact Gina at
416-234-9245 x223

Here is the Peel location, located in Brampton. Here is their website, http://www.fapeel.org/index.htm/

Friends & Advocates Peel is located in Brampton, at 239 Queen Street East in Unit 6, just East of Kennedy Road.
Phone: 905-452-1002

 

[Retired]

He'll probably just increase my medication to 6mgs and that'll be that

Doctors adjust dosages when there's a reason to do so. Reasons could be to improve effectiveness of the medication or to reduce side effects. It's important that you explain to the doctor how you have been feeling, so the doctor can determine what you need.

Rather than trying to remember everything in the doctor's office, keep a notebook handy, and write down how you feel every day or so, when it's fresh on your mind...just a paragraph or so.

Then bring your notebook to the doctor and let him/her read your notes.

That way your doctor gets accurate information on your progress.

Your doctor is your ally and not your adversary. Together you are partners in your health care.

I should probably take Mr Baxter's advise and join a support group

Excellent conclusion! Here you would be able to share your story and concerns with peers who are experiencing a similar situation as you.

BTW that was a typo..it should be Dr. Baxter

 

[OnMeds]

NicNak, I know one of those areas! I'll speak to my support worker and/or my psychiatrist about it and I'll probably try it and see how it goes.

It'll be extremely difficult for me to share my experiences (it's difficult to share my experiences on here, or to myself (as weird as that may sound)). Another thing -> I'm not really sure that I'm experiencing anything these days - I'm just stuck being me. I'm not sure how to explain it -> it's just the same thing over and over again. Everyday. I hate it.

It's important that you explain to the doctor how you have been feeling, so the doctor can determine what you need.

What if I don't know how I'm feeling? What if I don't feel much of anything? It's difficult, because I feel like everyone lacks insight into my condition (after all, they're not me), including myself (!). I have a hard time understanding what I'm going through. For instance, I once drank a lot of coffee and felt normal and amazing, but that was probably a psychotic experience (it felt psychedelic) or a manic experience. I'm probably just confused most of the time and my mind wont stop working -- that's probably why I can't concentrate. I need it to stop and that's why I want to switch my meds or get the dose upgraded.

During that experience (with the coffee), I finally felt normal. It was a great experience and that's probably why I continue to drink coffee.

Rather than trying to remember everything in the doctor's office, keep a notebook handy, and write down how you feel every day or so, when it's fresh on your mind...just a paragraph or so.

Then bring your notebook to the doctor and let him/her read your notes.

That's a really good idea. My psychiatrist and I talked about this in the past. And that's part of the reason why I'm posting on here (as practice). Whenever I attempt to write something down in a notebook it ends up not making much sense to me later on. But yeah, I'll try it. Also, I'll copy some of the things I posted on here into my notebook.

Excellent conclusion! Here you would be able to share your story and concerns with peers who are experiencing a similar situation as you.

I'm afraid that I don't have much of a story. And now I have a hard time talking in front of others. I lose my words, thoughts, etc. I feel disconnected from everything around me. That's why I'm scared of it. I don't see it working out.

BTW that was a typo..it should be Dr. Baxter

Oops, sorry! I'll remember that.


Kind regards,
Peter

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I'm wondering...

...Whether or not I'm actively psychotic?

...Do my posts make sense? (If they don't, then I'll be happy to explain the part that doesn't make sense. This way, I'm bound to make some progress!)

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Whether or not your posts are lucid and coherent doesn't alter the diagnosis, Peter. As just one example, someone who has paranoid delusions can sound perfectly coherent, apart from the content of what s/he writes or verbalizes.

And you are also on some medication.

There are tell-tale signs of schizophrenia even in someone well-medicated, if you know what to look for, but those signs cannot be seen in posts on a forum.

 

[OnMeds]

Whether or not your posts are lucid and coherent doesn't alter the diagnosis, Peter.

Out of curiosity -> what would alter the diagnosis? For instance, check this out. I might have an allergy to caffeine and this might be what is causing my schizophrenia. What do you think of this?