Dr Baxter I talked to my counselor last night. He agrees with me something is not right here. He has a meeting with her counselor Monday. He is going to try and set up either a joint session with my wife and I or a single session with myself and her counselor. I explained to him last night everything and that if she is working towards splitting us up or if this effort is going to be fruitless then I will not continue to pay for this. She has been in counseling 8 weeks now and nothing is better. My next session is tuesday and I am very anxious for it to get here and find out what is going on. Thank you for your help.
- Thread starter jason7019
- Start date
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Good. That at least holds out some hope of answering your questions. Good luck.
boy hhave things gone even worse. Now her counsler wont even talk to my counselor. She does not want to hear anything negative about my wife. He tried to tell her about her drinking problem and her being drunk around my daughters and she blew him off. My wife will call me to help her with things at her house so i go help her and then she is telling her counselor that I am just showing up so her counselor tells her I am stalking her and trying to contol her and i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. THAT MAKES ME FEEL ALL WARM AND FUZZY INSIDE. THen my wife told my daughters that and they became furios with her and now they will not speak to her because they know its a lie. So last night she calls and wanted money for the counselor and I told her I refuse to pay for this while they are trying to make me out to be acriminal and not to call me or ask me to help her anymore. I guess this is just a hard lesson to learn. You try to be nice and be an adult about this and you get slapped in the face for just helping. I truly believe this marriage is over and it is time to move on. I really appreciate all your help and advice Dr. Baxter. If anything changes I will let you know. I have an appointment tonight with my counselor so hopefully everthing will go well. Thanks again.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
These are tricky issues, Jason, but you might give some serious consideration to filing a complaint with your regional licensing board regarding that counselor, if the counselor is indeed licensed.
ThatLady
Member
I'd definitely file a complaint, hon. This whole thing just doesn't sound right, at all. I certainly agree you don't need to be paying to be vilified!
Hi Jason,
I know where you are coming from. I was with a man for six years. We broke up in 2004 because of my illness and his addiction to his computer. He still doesn't want to take any blame for the break-up. We fought for awhile, then we started seeing each other again. Most of it was sexual. There were times I went out of my way for him. I cooked for him, did his dishes, and then we had sex. I am confused right now. I want to have a relationship with him. I can't just be friends. When we get together the flame is still there. My biggest problem is that he is always bringing up the fact that he wants a normal woman in his life. He has seen a gal and he tells me how wonderful she is. He can look at a woman and tell you her measurements, so he thinks. He is always looking at other women, whether it be at a restaurant, bar, or the mall. It makes me feel like crap. I am 41 and I look pretty good. I try to take care of myself. He denies staring at them. When I bartended he used to come in and see me. Whenever a woman walked through the door his eyes went up and down and back up again. I don't think he even realizes he is doing it. He loves porn. I like to look at it too, but I don't have hundreds of pictures saved on discs or on my computer. I feel like it is just lust when it comes to him. For me, I love him. Sometimes I don't know why. He has helped me through a lot in the past few months. I don't feel like there is any security with him. I don't want anyone else. I am tired of looking for men, not that I couldn't get any. I thought when we were living together, he would be my soulmate. We loved to fish. We even did a few tournaments together. Now he is on his computer so much that even when I come over with lunch or dinner, I sometimes eat alone. He is a web designer and he is damn good. He is a perfectionist. Someday he will make some big bucks. I am not after the money, I just want someone to love me for who I am, not for he wants me to be.
I thought my life would start at 40. Boy was I wrong. Maybe it will start at 41 1/2. I don't know how to let go. He lives right down the street from me. My therapist told me when we broke up, I should take two years off from any relationship. I couldn't do it. I enjoy sex and being around him. I know there is more to life than that, but that is high on his list of priorities in a relationship. That is why his second marriage broke up. She was too into her family and didn't pay attention to him. She is now a single mom and doing fine.
What should I do? My 16-year-old daughter hates him. She gets mad when I talk to him on the phone or when I go visit him. She told me that she will never make the mistakes I did. She is a very bright kid. But I feel like I should live my life the way I want to. My daughter and I have a pretty good relationship. Some days she calls me names and we don't talk for a day or two. When I am depressed, her and I don't get along either. My 14-year-old son couldn't care either way. He is very easy-going.
I know where you are coming from. I was with a man for six years. We broke up in 2004 because of my illness and his addiction to his computer. He still doesn't want to take any blame for the break-up. We fought for awhile, then we started seeing each other again. Most of it was sexual. There were times I went out of my way for him. I cooked for him, did his dishes, and then we had sex. I am confused right now. I want to have a relationship with him. I can't just be friends. When we get together the flame is still there. My biggest problem is that he is always bringing up the fact that he wants a normal woman in his life. He has seen a gal and he tells me how wonderful she is. He can look at a woman and tell you her measurements, so he thinks. He is always looking at other women, whether it be at a restaurant, bar, or the mall. It makes me feel like crap. I am 41 and I look pretty good. I try to take care of myself. He denies staring at them. When I bartended he used to come in and see me. Whenever a woman walked through the door his eyes went up and down and back up again. I don't think he even realizes he is doing it. He loves porn. I like to look at it too, but I don't have hundreds of pictures saved on discs or on my computer. I feel like it is just lust when it comes to him. For me, I love him. Sometimes I don't know why. He has helped me through a lot in the past few months. I don't feel like there is any security with him. I don't want anyone else. I am tired of looking for men, not that I couldn't get any. I thought when we were living together, he would be my soulmate. We loved to fish. We even did a few tournaments together. Now he is on his computer so much that even when I come over with lunch or dinner, I sometimes eat alone. He is a web designer and he is damn good. He is a perfectionist. Someday he will make some big bucks. I am not after the money, I just want someone to love me for who I am, not for he wants me to be.
I thought my life would start at 40. Boy was I wrong. Maybe it will start at 41 1/2. I don't know how to let go. He lives right down the street from me. My therapist told me when we broke up, I should take two years off from any relationship. I couldn't do it. I enjoy sex and being around him. I know there is more to life than that, but that is high on his list of priorities in a relationship. That is why his second marriage broke up. She was too into her family and didn't pay attention to him. She is now a single mom and doing fine.
What should I do? My 16-year-old daughter hates him. She gets mad when I talk to him on the phone or when I go visit him. She told me that she will never make the mistakes I did. She is a very bright kid. But I feel like I should live my life the way I want to. My daughter and I have a pretty good relationship. Some days she calls me names and we don't talk for a day or two. When I am depressed, her and I don't get along either. My 14-year-old son couldn't care either way. He is very easy-going.
hi Brenda..? if \when you see your therapist again..(don't now if u are seeing one at present).? i think you should bring up the above...
from what i am reading... this relationship is doing absolutely nothing for your self esteem..
you ask questions but reading thru the lines (maybe i'm wrong) you also answer some of them.
Your therapist could maybe help you sort out where\why you are in this relationship.
sorry.. prob not want you want to hear.
i'm not a therapist which is why i say bring this up when you see him\her again.
from what i am reading... this relationship is doing absolutely nothing for your self esteem..
you ask questions but reading thru the lines (maybe i'm wrong) you also answer some of them.
Your therapist could maybe help you sort out where\why you are in this relationship.
? my opinion.... stop seeing him, for all the reasons you mention above.
sorry.. prob not want you want to hear.
i'm not a therapist which is why i say bring this up when you see him\her again.
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