- Thread starter Willow
- Start date
It feels too late now anyway. Not like I really think it would have helped. I found a social worker that I might be able to see next week. That's it. After pushing my physician for months she let me see the social worker there. But she doesn't know anything about BPD. I just feel numb but it's better than feeling anything I guess.
I don't see why you would feel dumb Willow...Do you need a referral from your physician to see a psychologist or psychiatrist in Ottawa? What about your benefits plan through work? Do you have one and would it cover seeing someone a little more specialized? Also remember that medical expenses related to a psychologist / psychiatrist are tax deductible. Although I can certainly understand the financial strain involved.
I'm in between numb and feeling something at this point. Conflicting -_- Best I can put it is my guard is really up.. I stupidly tried to let him in again, but what for? While still unsure.. Still thinking he should just leave cause this is too painful.
I'm on tons of waiting lists......... They never end. I guess maybe, hopefully, the social worker will help.... But really feels too late.
I'm on tons of waiting lists......... They never end. I guess maybe, hopefully, the social worker will help.... But really feels too late.
It's never too late Willow. While I understand your instinct to throw it all away, you're really not there...I've just re-read this entire thread. You have a resilience here. You just need a little support. Sometimes, our thinking tells us to just give up - that, for me at least, is part of a 'distorted thinking'. It's a way to not have to do the work that we know we need to do. But, from reading this thread Willow, you're a smart cookie and you're still hanging on for support. Just don't give up so soon. You're really on the right track....
It's just not fair to ask him to help me to do the work anyway. All I do is create more pain for us both. He's not even with me. Even if part of me wants him to stay despite how bloody hard the circumstances are, and how much I fear the truth is I'll never have a chance, especially if he keeps sticking around, it feels selfish. It's just selfish to want him around.. To ask him to go through this, deal with this, and see this. Ya, I don't want the responsibility of breaking him. I really don't. Is that so distorted?
Dear Willow, I hope you can see the social worker, it is a start and possibly they will be able to speed things along for you with getting therapy. It will be someone to talk with and could possibly be someone helpful and nice. Do you think it would be good to just take care of yourself and let him decide what he wants to do? :goodluck: Mari
..Yes, I think that this is part of your distorted thinking Willow.. Can you trust him enough to make decisions for himself? Sometimes, when we're in our dark thoughts, it's really easy to make decisions for people in our lives...This can only result in our pushing away anyone who actually care about us...Just trust him enough to make whatever decision he makes for his own good?
He's not making the work for the both of you - if he's still around, it's because he wants to be Willow. Don't make any decisions on his behalf - that's just not fair to him. But do keep honest with him about where you are in the process. And if he chooses to stick around - just trust him enough to know that he's doing so with really good sentiments?
Remember, when we're where we are, it's easy to dismiss why people would want to be around - we lose perspective about the whole thing...just trust him for the time being...trust that he knows what it is he's getting into...
He's not making the work for the both of you - if he's still around, it's because he wants to be Willow. Don't make any decisions on his behalf - that's just not fair to him. But do keep honest with him about where you are in the process. And if he chooses to stick around - just trust him enough to know that he's doing so with really good sentiments?
Remember, when we're where we are, it's easy to dismiss why people would want to be around - we lose perspective about the whole thing...just trust him for the time being...trust that he knows what it is he's getting into...
Last edited:
Ehhhhhhhh well I'm weirded out now. He came over last night out of nowhere and was like 'I'm not really mad anymore' but it was late, he started cuddling me and lay down and I was like 'this isn't really what friends do' and he was like 'sure it is'. I asked if he slept and cuddled with his friends even if he had a gf and he said 'noooo, I still do.. Sorry, I'm very close with my friends', which irked me, so I got up and went to bed on my own. He slept on the couch. I guess it's good I saw my values.. I don't sleep/cuddle with just friends. Or am I just weird? I sure as hell wouldn't want my bf to do that, or expect them to be okay with me doing it either. But now I'm faced with black/white thinking.. Feel like just totally turning around and being like 'ok, I'm over you' but also wondering if I should ask more about that.
Eh.
Eh.
white page
Member
Hi Willow,
No you are not weird not cuddling / sleeping with friends , it is not black and white thinking either. We all have our individual physical bounderies and sets of values. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation then you have the right to feel uncomfortable and to say so. People only have the right to touch or sleep with us if we consent to be touched or slept with, the fact he does it with other people is fine for him, but no one should impose a behaviour on another person, because he thinks it's okay .You did very well to state and keep to your bounderies.
take care wp
No you are not weird not cuddling / sleeping with friends , it is not black and white thinking either. We all have our individual physical bounderies and sets of values. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation then you have the right to feel uncomfortable and to say so. People only have the right to touch or sleep with us if we consent to be touched or slept with, the fact he does it with other people is fine for him, but no one should impose a behaviour on another person, because he thinks it's okay .You did very well to state and keep to your bounderies.
take care wp
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
I totally agree. Some people seem to be able to handle or manage casual sex or the "friends with benefits" thing but most cannot over the long run.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Perhaps not overtly... or yet...
Ya it's weird cause he says he can be jealous so I don't see how he'd really be comfortable with his partner doing that, too. I've known him 3 years.. Never knew that, cause he lived abroad for most of the time, so didn't see how he was with other friends, but know him to be very committed when he is... Just very weird. I know he likes to push people's buttons sometimes by telling them/doing things that might be upsetting when he already knows they're upset by them, just because he knows it's unwarranted and I can't help questioning this comment because of that... Very weird.
white page
Member
Willow ,
I would keep him at a safe distance, if you feel at all uncomfortable with the things he says. Or see him in the company of other friends. For whatever reason he likes to upset others, it is not a good reason .
Take care please, real friendship means respecting others.
I would keep him at a safe distance, if you feel at all uncomfortable with the things he says. Or see him in the company of other friends. For whatever reason he likes to upset others, it is not a good reason .
Take care please, real friendship means respecting others.
Think I'm in 'silent suffering' mode now heh Fighting for numbness.. He clarified and said he doesn't sleep with other people, but does cuddle/comfort.... And maybe spoon? Haven't got clarification on that yet. Took a lot to ask in the first place. Then said if that's the case makes me sad.. But nothing, so... Eh.
I think it's maybe an exaggeration to 'keep safe' distance and assume he is out to purposely upset people. Maybe I'm a nut, or maybe it's a moment of clarity too.. Don't think I'm the only one with walls/masks in the world. Plus am very good at accentuating the negative =P
---------- Post added later and automatically merged ----------
Well I asked for clarification on spooning and he totally flipped on me.. Which was weird... Cause I was not acting crazy for once. Said it was none of my business because it's something gf/bf's talk about and we're not, then said I was pushing my values on him and my definition of trust? but I just said that I didn't think we were compatible in that regard....... Uuuuuuuuh but I feel bad anyway cause in the end I always think I'm wrong if someone gets mad at me................... It hurt me to find his answer cause I feel we don't match that way in a big way even if I want to, then to have him get mad at me for that? He felt like I was just judging him but I just wanted to know where he stood so I could be clear on where I do, too, since.. ya know.. I've liked him as more and ~*~wanted~*~ to be his gf. My brain is fried after this weekend.
I think it's maybe an exaggeration to 'keep safe' distance and assume he is out to purposely upset people. Maybe I'm a nut, or maybe it's a moment of clarity too.. Don't think I'm the only one with walls/masks in the world. Plus am very good at accentuating the negative =P
---------- Post added later and automatically merged ----------
Well I asked for clarification on spooning and he totally flipped on me.. Which was weird... Cause I was not acting crazy for once. Said it was none of my business because it's something gf/bf's talk about and we're not, then said I was pushing my values on him and my definition of trust? but I just said that I didn't think we were compatible in that regard....... Uuuuuuuuh but I feel bad anyway cause in the end I always think I'm wrong if someone gets mad at me................... It hurt me to find his answer cause I feel we don't match that way in a big way even if I want to, then to have him get mad at me for that? He felt like I was just judging him but I just wanted to know where he stood so I could be clear on where I do, too, since.. ya know.. I've liked him as more and ~*~wanted~*~ to be his gf. My brain is fried after this weekend.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Again, Willow, be careful not to interpret this as something wrong with you. It seems to me he is giving you mixed messages and his anger/irritation may be because you called him on that.
It feels like it a lot though. I was tempted to sms again and tell him to just commit me to in program. Like I must be freakin' nuts to think I was doing right but not? GD! He says it's only mixed signals to ME... I knew that. I told him that. I think at this point he should have known that.. But he says a lot and does another.. Let's me hold his hand, and the cuddling blablabla But I want to believe it's cause he does like me as more, and gdi he says he does... But what does it matter now? He said I was just doing it to pick at him to make me feel better.. I don't feel better. I was going ot not say anything and just give cold shoulder. Then I say something and this. Maybe I was? But now I don't? Only answer that could have made me feel "better" when I didn't feel particularly ANYTHING to begin with but CONFUSED would have been 'I would talk it over with my gf and we could come to an understanding' with maybe 'it hasn't been an issue in the past but if it were in the future....' but I didn't expect that.. I figured yes or no. I didn't expect flipping out either.. OMG. I don't even know anymore. He's not my bf so maybe it's not my place but should I have found it out after if he ever became?
Replying is not possible. This forum is only available as an archive.
