Quotes about Abuse, Domestic Violence

[Daniel E.]

“Maybe you never considered yourself a bully, a batterer or an abuser before, but maybe you are — to yourself.”

― Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life

 

[Daniel E.]

“And THAT is how you fall into an abusive relationship: when you start acting in a way so as not to upset the other person or set them off. You’ve given away control of your own life, bit by bit, bit by bit. It’s incremental, until one day, you have hidden so much of yourself you get lost.”

― Rose McGowan, Brave

 

[Daniel E.]

“Research about marital relationships in general reveals that husbands are likely to receive more support from their spouse and thus fair far better, while women tend to receive less support and experience greater stress from giving support. These are among the conditions that contribute to the higher rates of depression in women.”

― Carol A Lambert, Women with Controlling Partners: Taking Back Your Life from a Manipulative or Abusive Partner

 

[Daniel E.]

One important aspect of living well in the midst of a disappointing relationship is to grieve the losses that come with it. You need to grieve fully your broken dreams and broken heart and allow yourself the gift of healing. Pretending is not going to get you there. Facing your pain, sadness, hurts, and unmet expectations fully will help you embrace your life as it is and use the truth as the center point for the journey.

~ Sharie Stines, Psy.D.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

One important aspect of living well in the midst of a disappointing relationship is to grieve the losses that come with it. You need to grieve fully your broken dreams and broken heart and allow yourself the gift of healing. Pretending is not going to get you there. Facing your pain, sadness, hurts, and unmet expectations fully will help you embrace your life as it is and use the truth as the center point for the journey.

~ Sharie Stines, Psy.D.

This also applies to separation and divorce.

 

[Daniel E.]

Physicians not immune to intimate partner violence
Canadian Medical Association Journal
November 19, 2018

In Canada, 4% of people older than 15 have experienced physical or sexual violence by a current or former spouse or dating partner in the past 5 years, according to Statistics Canada's General Social Survey (2014 data). About 80% of victims reporting to police are women...

"Physicians are trained to screen their patients for IPV [intimate partner violence], but few consider that they themselves could find themselves in such a relationship. There’s considerable stigma around it."

Some abusers control the couple’s finances, and their victims “might have all the trappings of a successful life but not have money.”

“The more people start talking about it, the more it becomes acceptable to talk about what is going on. I’m hopeful that we can bring it out into the open.”

 

[Daniel E.]

Intimate Partner Violence Experienced by Physicians
Journal of Primary Care & Community Health
October 20, 2020

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is an increasing public health concern. IPV impacts 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men in the United States, resulting in $3.6 trillion in costs over victims’ lifetimes. World Health Organization (WHO) defines intimate partner violence (IPV) as physical, sexual or psychological harm caused by an intimate partner or ex-partner...

IPV was reported by 24% of respondents. The most frequent abuses reported were: verbal (15%), physical (8%) followed by sexual abuse (4%) and stalking (4%)...This is the first survey to our knowledge that confirms that physicians experience IPV at a rate consistent or higher than the national level.

 

[Daniel E.]

"Every year you've settled for less, tolerated more."

“She collected and polished resentments as if it were some kind of hobby.”

"One sad thing about this world is that the acts that take the most out of you are usually the ones that people will never know about."

“You could really feel physically wounded if someone hurt your feelings badly enough.”

― Anne Tyler

 

[Daniel E.]

“Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.”

― Cheris Kramarae

 

[Daniel E.]

“Nobody gives you power. You just take it.”

― Roseanne Barr

 

[Daniel E.]

“You do not win by struggling to the top of a caste system, you win by refusing to be trapped within one at all.”

“The beauty myth is always actually prescribing behaviour and not appearance.”

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.”

― Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

 

[Daniel E.]

"The primary reason we don't recommend couples counseling is that abuse is not a "relationship problem." Couples counseling may imply that both partners contribute to the abusive behavior, when the choice to be abusive lies solely with the abusive partner. Focusing on communication or other relationship issues distracts from the abusive behavior, and may actually reinforce it in some cases. Additionally, a therapist may not be aware that abuse is present and inadvertently encourage the abuse to continue or escalate."

~ National Domestic Violence Hotline

 

[Daniel E.]

“I always think it’s a good sign when a man likes cats. It shows he doesn’t feel the need to be in constant control of things.”

― Anne Tyler, Clock Dance

 

[David Baxter PhD]

^^^ I love this!

 

[Daniel E.]

“Across the U.S. there is a very strong association between marital discord, being unhappy in a marriage, and suicidal ideation and attempts.”

"Some studies have found it's better to be divorced or separated than stay in an unhappy marriage, that you may live longer if you get out."

~ Briana Robustelli, quoted in Unhappy marriages linked with risk of suicide

 

[Daniel E.]

"It is the most vicious of all crimes -- to be abused by someone you had a relationship with! Because then you blame yourself."

~ Joe Biden

 

[Daniel E.]

"You don’t manage abuse. You walk away from it."

"The parasite will find another intestine."

~ Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Source:

Lies Codependents Believe to Stay in Abusive Relationships

Lies Codependents Believe to Stay in Relationships with Abusive Wives and Husbands Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD, Shrink4Men.com February 15, 2018 Codependents are people who enable and care take others (in ways that are often harmful to themselves) in the hopes of receiving love for their...

forum.psychlinks.ca

 

[Daniel E.]

“By the time survivors are compelled to leave their psychologically abusive relationships, they do not see any other viable option but to leave. They have tried anything and everything to keep their relationship going. No matter how hard they tried to fit the mold the abuser wanted, it was never enough.”

“Psychological abusers are known for becoming jealous of any attention not being given to them.”

“Research shows it takes people many attempts to leave unhealthy relationships.”

“Survivors are wise to not fall into the trap of second guessing all of their actions because it is likely they could never show enough agreement to please a truly toxic person.”

“Most people have no clue hidden abuse is taking place right under their noses. It is being perpetrated by individuals who would never be suspected of being abusers. The concealed nature of this harm is what leaves its targets devastated.”

“Frequently, the emotional homicide is happening while other people go on clamoring about what a great guy or gal the abuser is and how lucky the survivor is to be connected to the abuser.”

“One of the main allegations that narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths make against survivors is that they accuse survivors of being disrespectful. Why is this complaint so common for toxic people? It is because their grossly over-inflated egos make them believe that even the most minor correction, or disagreement, with the toxic person’s opinion is a huge sign of disrespect.”

“Rather than being insecure, psychological abusers are easily offended, consumed with themselves, and want things just their way."

"Survivors often get to a point in recovery where they can predict the responses of the toxic person.”

― Shannon Thomas, Healing from Hidden Abuse

 

[Daniel E.]

“In a relationship where one person believes her or himself to be essentially unlovable and undesirable in either an emotional or sexual sense, mutuality is absent. The survivor believes it’s necessary to pay for the presence of the other person, literally or symbolically.”

― Laura S. Brown, Not the price of admission: Healthy relationships after childhood trauma

 

[Daniel E.]

“The shame-based person is nearly always enmeshed in some way with one or more people. While we are in a dysfunctional, shame-based relationship, we may feel like we are losing our mind, going crazy. When we try to test reality, we are unable to trust our senses, our feelings and our reactions.”

― Charles L. Whitfield, Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families