advice needed

[port]

thanx for your advice, pretty safe on all those questions.

Tryed and couldnt do it :/ wished id tryed harder, but its a big step, think i was expectin too much of myself and ended up feeling bad about it. Come along way tho and guess they'll be other times to try again. just feel abit down :/

 

[HA]

It is a big step, Port. I think it is the feeling of shame that makes it the most difficult to talk about it. Shame usually stems from thinking that it is somehow your fault or that you could have stopped it. Children are never at fault for sexual abuse. They are not capable of being at fault because they are children. It is the prepetrator who is to be blamed.

Hopefully there will be others who have moved beyond the first steps of disclosing their abuse and can tell you what worked for them.

Reading about others who have experienced the same thing can be vey helpful. Maybe you could do more reading?

In most areas there are groups that are run by professionals where you can meet with others in your shoes and learn how to deal with your abuse and move on. Maybe a group of people will help you feel more safe?

 

[port]

nah dont really do groups of people. gd suggestion, but just not my sort of thing. :/

Think i kinda thought i was ready to talk about it and now i realise that i wasnt, just abit disapointed with myself. Had a gd night out anyway, shouldnt worry about it, just need to try a little harder if i get another chance at it.

heh was just thinking talkin about it is somethin i thought i would never be able to do and now im almost there, really weird feeling as if..

 

[port]

hi, could anyone give me some advice/tips about goin to the doctor for the first time and seeking out help such as a therepist or councillior. Not sure what to do or wat to expect.

 

[Cat Dancer]

There's some good advice here:

http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=1969

I hope that someone will be able to give you more advice.
It's so good that you're considering this. I wish you the best.

 

[port]

lo again, i was wondering if anyone could recommend some gd books, know theres quite a few on this subject just hard knowing whats worth getting and whats not.. ty

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Some books on seeing a therapist?

 

[port]

not really, a book about more general info about 'adult survivors'. Something, someone might think is worth reading and provide some more helpful insight into the healing process,feelings, ways of thinking and so on.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

See Adult Survivors and Adult Children. In each case, scroll down the page to "Recommended Reading" and you'll see a list of recommended books. Click on any title and it will take you to the Amazon description of the book, often with reader reviews.

 

[port]

anybody else feel like they just dont belong? have this feeling like im not ment to be here..

 

[port]

guess not

 

[Cat Dancer]

port, I think most of us have felt that way at one time or another. Some of us feel that way most all the time. I've actually been told that I don't belong or fit anywhere.

I especially think that survivors of child abuse feel this way. They think that somehow the abuse sets them apart from other people.

Sometimes when I feel really left out I remember what a friend once said to me. It was somethng like "you have as much right to be on this earth as anyone else" and I think that's true of you too. We all belong in some way or another. I think an important thing is to find people who accept you the way you are.

 

[port]

maybe, not the way i feel tho.. people move on just the way it goes.. feel like im not ment to be here and hangin on just makes it worse..

 

[Cat Dancer]

Yeah, I feel that way a lot. Especially lately.

I think that it's time for you to find a therapist to talk to about all of this. Have you done that yet?

I apologize if I said something the wrong way. I don't think what is in my head always comes out the way I mean it to.

 

[port]

never said anything wrong just not feeling great myself havent for a few days, can never seem to say wat i mean and get it right either..

nah dont want a therapist at the moment, just feeling abit alone and ashamed ive relapsed into si again.. dont feel as if i can tell anyone only so many times u can say things to people before they get sick of hearing about it and wishin u would just move on..

wish i could..

 

[Kanadiana]

thank you.. find it a lot eaiser then the first time i posted, always makes me feel better wen i get a repley as well

Hi Port,

I haven't posted in here in a while, haven't even been here as my life has kept me involved (big transitions).

Like you. I'm a survivor of early childhood sexual and other abuse, and I never talked to anyone about it, or even 'felt" about it , until I was about 35 then it hit like a ton of bricks ... also like you, I found it really hard to talk about anything really important or personal anyways, trust was always an issue, as was talking also had a tendency to trigger some pretty intensive memories and feelings.

I suggest, based on my own personal experiences with how this stuff came out and happened for me, that it's best to have a councellor who understands the long range impact of abuse/trauma and that can help you as a listener, and with ways to cope with the feelings and thoughts triggered.

Man or woman, when this stuff jumps out of the closet, its important to talk with people who understand, and who can be both empathetic AND objective. Friends, family, loved ones, may not be the best choices because they can't usually be objective.

I had extremely low self-esteem, and much shame, about the abusive experiences, and about being effected by them as an adult ... and a whole bunch of other things. So ... a therapist can be an excellent person to turn to, as an objective outsider who is there for you alone, in order for you to express some of whats going on for you right now, and sort through things.

Meanwhile ... if you aren't used to talking to people, forums like this are a wnderful way to break the ice so you aren't holding the burden all on your own and get overwhelmed by it.

People in here can empathize and won't judge in here ... many of us have been exactly where you've been, in different ways, and certainly don't judge. We know how we're effected by history

You ain't nuts ... you're reacting very normally and sanely to shit that happened ... thats all

K.

 

[port]

thnx

 

[Kanadiana]

Hi Again Port,

I notice that I suggested a therapist but I see from what you write that you don't feel quite ready at times for that. Understood. We all have our own paces and timings, and ways, of moving with things, don't we My point was just that there are times when they can and do help a lot . Its such an individual thing. I know lots of survivors don't feel good in groups or social settings. I personally think thats got a lot to do with how the abuse effects our self-image and self-esteem and that we can lay the blame on the abuse for how we feel around other people. Argh! We're social creatures

I hope, if anything, that you continue to read and post in here. For myself, I most needed to be able to just talk openly about how I really felt and thought, and what I was really going through ... that alone, helped a lot sometimes.

By the way ... I know the sense of shame that can hit when I take a dive again ... I get down on myself ... I'm 51 and should be perfectly together "at this age" etc ... and yes, I also know the frustration of people not wanting to hear anymore and wishing "get on with things" ... well, we get on with things when we actually do, and not a minute before, and its not one action from here to there, it's a process Having said that, most of us in here are here because "we're workin' on it" ... I wish all people could understand this. We just have to seach out those that do though ... places like this and wherever we find them.

Take Care Port ... Karmen