forgetmenot
MVP
I get angry at myself. Internal voice says stop being so stupid crying won't solve anything. I also feel the pain more when i cry so much pain. Stopping the crying stops the pain from coming to the surface. Does this make sense.
- Thread starter forgetmenot
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Yes. It absolutely makes sense. Can you take the thought process a little further? What would happen if the pain actually came to the surface? What would be the absolute worse thing that could happen?
And yes Mary - I get angry at myself when I start to cry. I think sometimes we're so accustomed to being strong for everyone else that we forget to just be ourselves for ourselves.
forgetmenot
MVP
I think the absolute thing that would happen is i would fall apart. I would not be able to stop the pain and that someone would see my crying. I am afraid i won't be able to handle that kind of pain. Just thinking about letting it surface scares me
forgetmenot
MVP
Dam tears won't solve anything mary
Into The Light
MVP
tears may not undo what has happened but letting them out is important. your emotions need to come out.
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Hi Mary ,
I rather agree with Into the light , at times we need a catharsis in order to move on , my most severe depressive period , prompted me to seek long term therapy which changed my life , there were many , many episodes of deep almost unconsolable weeping during therapy which allowed me to identify and grieve for things that had happened in the past , the sorrow is still there but it is no longer unconsolable .
I had been holding all the sorrows tight within me , but this led to a total breakdown and near destruction of myself . I wouldn't cry , I didn't want any one to see me cry .
Mary I cannot tell you how good it is to cry nowadays . I still have to make myself cry . but it is so releasing when I do .the pain is lessened so much.
my best wishes wp
I rather agree with Into the light , at times we need a catharsis in order to move on , my most severe depressive period , prompted me to seek long term therapy which changed my life , there were many , many episodes of deep almost unconsolable weeping during therapy which allowed me to identify and grieve for things that had happened in the past , the sorrow is still there but it is no longer unconsolable .
I had been holding all the sorrows tight within me , but this led to a total breakdown and near destruction of myself . I wouldn't cry , I didn't want any one to see me cry .
Mary I cannot tell you how good it is to cry nowadays . I still have to make myself cry . but it is so releasing when I do .the pain is lessened so much.
my best wishes wp
forgetmenot
MVP
As soon as they start coming out the tears they stop immediately. I can't cry unconsolable. I guess i was always taught tears don't solve anything so toughen up and get on with whatever needs to be done. I have often wondered what it would be like to just release all the pain at once but haven't been able to. There is just too much pain and saddness
I know this feeling Mary. When I feel this way, I tend to try painting my emotions...I do a lot of design on paper for my emotions, which I then paint. It does give me a release from the sadness that i can't express physically.
forgetmenot
MVP
My daughter paints jazzey. I can't even draw stick man. i like watching her paint. I am amazed at her creativity. She is so special. o god i wish i didn't screw up with her too. Everything i do i screw up. I just want her happy and safe. I tried to give her everything. I tried to be everything for her. I didn't want her to end up like me full of pain. I don't know what i did wrong. I never ever should have sent her away like they told me. Im sorry so sorry mary
Encourage her to paint Mary. Sometimes when we're sad, the first thing to go by the wayside is all the things that we once really enjoyed. So keep supporting her and encourage her not to let go of those things that once brought her happiness.
I know you feel guilty for your daughter Mary. A good friend of mine once told me "God never gives you more than we can handle"...Keep doing right by her now Mary. Be a good support system and her advocate to keep her moving forward in her recovery. The best thing you can do for her right now is also keep moving forward in your own recovery. Show her by example that you're willing to do what is necessary to get better, feel better.
I know you feel guilty for your daughter Mary. A good friend of mine once told me "God never gives you more than we can handle"...Keep doing right by her now Mary. Be a good support system and her advocate to keep her moving forward in her recovery. The best thing you can do for her right now is also keep moving forward in your own recovery. Show her by example that you're willing to do what is necessary to get better, feel better.
forgetmenot
MVP
thanks Jazzey i went and bought her all kinds of art supplies. canvas paints brushes everything. She is quite the artist and so creative I would do anything for her. she is the reason i am still trying. I have stopped taking medication though last 2 days. My mind just fights idea. I need to have control of me not medications. I have alot on my mind with my sister wanting her to live with me and not group home. Jazzey i just can't trust these people to look after her i need to be the one.
Mary - you need to stop playing with those medications. I can't stress this enough. You need to be taking them. Does your psychologist know that you've stopped taking them? You need to take your dose tonight and stay on them. Can you email your psychologist and tell him what you've been doing? Remember - you are your daughter's role model. And you're a nurse. Would you ever recommend that a patient go off medications that their doctor has prescribed to them?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Mary, once again you are your own worst enemy. You say "she is the reason i am still trying". How is not taking your medication helping you or her?
It's never going to get to the point where it does you any good if you keep starting and stopping like that.
forgetmenot
MVP
no Jazzey i don't have email address for my psychologist. Im okay the meds were controling me i don't like that. I will leave him a message on his phone okay. thanks mary
Hi Mary
I have been following your posts for quite some time. It reads like a Greek tragedy.
How are you responsible for your brothers suicide?
How have you screwed up your daughter?
Why do you have to keep your sister safe?
How can anyone so sensitive, such as you, possibly be responsible for so much dismay?
You have taken a great deal of responsibilty for all of the above. You seem to be spinning your wheels at every attempt to do good. Can all of this drama in your life possibly benefit anyone you try to help?
Is it possible your guilt, remorse, and self depecration has an alternative source, and rescuing your family members is a more manageable 'self therapy' than addressing a larger problem?
When I mentally picture your actions, and your everyday life, (based on what I read from you), I get the image of that sweet little 'Chicken Little' running around distraught saying the sky is falling, yet every day the sky is still up there. Perhaps the sky will never fall, and if that is the case, the sky will remain where it is, despite your fears, and best attempts to keep it there.
Your in true friendship
Yuray
I have been following your posts for quite some time. It reads like a Greek tragedy.
How are you responsible for your brothers suicide?
How have you screwed up your daughter?
Why do you have to keep your sister safe?
How can anyone so sensitive, such as you, possibly be responsible for so much dismay?
You have taken a great deal of responsibilty for all of the above. You seem to be spinning your wheels at every attempt to do good. Can all of this drama in your life possibly benefit anyone you try to help?
Is it possible your guilt, remorse, and self depecration has an alternative source, and rescuing your family members is a more manageable 'self therapy' than addressing a larger problem?
When I mentally picture your actions, and your everyday life, (based on what I read from you), I get the image of that sweet little 'Chicken Little' running around distraught saying the sky is falling, yet every day the sky is still up there. Perhaps the sky will never fall, and if that is the case, the sky will remain where it is, despite your fears, and best attempts to keep it there.
Your in true friendship
Yuray
Into The Light
MVP
mary, you need to give those medications a chance. they aren't to control you, they are to help you. they make everything you are dealing with more bearable, not worse. yes there may be initial side effects but those don't last for very long.
not taking the medication means you aren't changing anything about your current situation. not changing what you are doing means your situation remains the same, and i don't think that is what you really want.
not taking the medication means you aren't changing anything about your current situation. not changing what you are doing means your situation remains the same, and i don't think that is what you really want.
forgetmenot
MVP
I have to help them because i didn't in the past. I wasn't there for them. Yes i hear everyones concerns about the medication but its hard i know your right. I know yet my mind is telling me the meds are controlling me. I will go back on meds tonight and stay on them until i can talk with my psychologist on Monday. There is too many thoughts in my head, my daughters happiness is all im concerned about thanks for your understanding and concern mary.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Mary, that is absolute nonsense, and an excellent example of the distorted thinking that is part of depression and anxiety disorders. The medications weren't controlling you. Your depression is controlling you, and your anxiety is controlling you. The medication, if you take it properly and quit starting and stopping it, can help you manage the depression and anxiety.
If you want to get back control over your life, take your medication. Your doctor prescribed it for a reason. And it was NOT prescribed by your psychologist. If you have a concern about the medication, you should be discussing it with the doctor who prescribed it.
forgetmenot
MVP
I understand what your saying intellectually i do and i will start them again tonight. If you only knew what is going on in my brain. My psychologist understands me that is why i talk with him. My doctor doesn't know me he just prescribed the medication as requested by my psychologist. Do you know how hard it is to give up control to something you don't trust. I will start meds again tonight. mary
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
But you are willing to give up control to the cognitive distortions of anxiety and depression...
See:
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cognitive-behavior-therapy/1452-feelings-thoughts-control-them.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cogn...e-distortions-ten-forms-twisted-thinking.html
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