Lonewolf
Member
neither do i? sorry! please tell me if im getting on anyone's nurves, i feel awkward! i just needed someone to hear me!!
- Thread starter Lonewolf
- Start date
No one is getting nervous, and there is no reason for you to feel awkward. We are here to help, but you need to participate in the conversation if you expect to derive any benefit from the support being offered to you.
Several people have reached out to you, and some questions have been asked of you to gain some insights into your situation. You have chosen, thus far to not answer the questions, which is why it is difficult to know what to offer you in the way of information and support.
Exactly what has taken place in your life to bring you to this point of feeling hopeless making you think suicide is your only option? Have you ever attempted suicide in the past?
You say you reject calling a local crisis hotline that might be able to point you to local resources for assistance, which is why I'm asking what it is you are looking for.
Suicide is not the answer, because there are solutions to whatever problems make up your current circumstances. It is up to you to avail yourself of the resources that can help you find those solutions.
The best we can do here is to point you to those resources, but it is up to you to act on those suggestions.
Where are you located, so we can try to locate a local crisis hotline for you.
Several people have reached out to you, and some questions have been asked of you to gain some insights into your situation. You have chosen, thus far to not answer the questions, which is why it is difficult to know what to offer you in the way of information and support.
Exactly what has taken place in your life to bring you to this point of feeling hopeless making you think suicide is your only option? Have you ever attempted suicide in the past?
You say you reject calling a local crisis hotline that might be able to point you to local resources for assistance, which is why I'm asking what it is you are looking for.
Suicide is not the answer, because there are solutions to whatever problems make up your current circumstances. It is up to you to avail yourself of the resources that can help you find those solutions.
The best we can do here is to point you to those resources, but it is up to you to act on those suggestions.
Where are you located, so we can try to locate a local crisis hotline for you.
Lonewolf
Member
i was abused as a child by a close relative, up until i thought i was old enough not to have any repoccussions from disclosing the information about the abuse to a youth worker, but as i was still attending school, it got passed onto social services!! There was a big meeting and my mum had to decide which one of us was going to be put into care!! The decision was made and as soon as i moved into foster care, the whole family disowned me!! All these years later things are still very volitile and i have felt so guilty about the deverstation i caused from the falloout of telling someone about it!! I have a sort of a relationship with mum and dad, but 'he' lives there too, so its very difficult! I have tried to make it up to them for all the hurt and pain, but i don't feel that i can ever make it up!! When i was in care i tried to commit suicide as i felt that would suit everybody, including me!!
I appreciate the contact i have with my mum and dad, but it is very onesided! I try not to think about how some of the things they do, make me feel because i can't be without them no matter what! Everytime i want to spend time with them, i have to tolerate 'him' so that screws me up! I was once closed to my grandad, but this all exploded, he didn't want to see me and when he passed awaylast year, it really hurt and i don't think il ever get over that. I adored him!!
My best mate died in june last year, he was the only one in my whole life that accepted me for me!! I had to go into hospital to have an op on my head and the very day i get home, i get the call to tell me he was dead and from then on, i waish i hadn't survived the op! We were inseperable and now we are alone!! I miss him terribly and constantly think about going to join him! He made me feel safe!
Now i find myself discharged from mental health services and without any moral or demestic support and the groups i attended have now ceased, so now i am totally alone! I am petrified of opening any bills or problem letters as they panic me and then i feel impulsive!
I have had some support for over 15 years and to suddenly pull it away has deverstated me, i now am totally alone and frightend!
I cant see any way forward and i don't want to live another decade if its going to be anything like this one!! Im not scared of death, but life seems a much more frightening to me!! im sorry,
I appreciate the contact i have with my mum and dad, but it is very onesided! I try not to think about how some of the things they do, make me feel because i can't be without them no matter what! Everytime i want to spend time with them, i have to tolerate 'him' so that screws me up! I was once closed to my grandad, but this all exploded, he didn't want to see me and when he passed awaylast year, it really hurt and i don't think il ever get over that. I adored him!!
My best mate died in june last year, he was the only one in my whole life that accepted me for me!! I had to go into hospital to have an op on my head and the very day i get home, i get the call to tell me he was dead and from then on, i waish i hadn't survived the op! We were inseperable and now we are alone!! I miss him terribly and constantly think about going to join him! He made me feel safe!
Now i find myself discharged from mental health services and without any moral or demestic support and the groups i attended have now ceased, so now i am totally alone! I am petrified of opening any bills or problem letters as they panic me and then i feel impulsive!
I have had some support for over 15 years and to suddenly pull it away has deverstated me, i now am totally alone and frightend!
I cant see any way forward and i don't want to live another decade if its going to be anything like this one!! Im not scared of death, but life seems a much more frightening to me!! im sorry,
That sounds so painful. I am so sorry you had to go through that, I hope you keep reaching out and get some support and help. I think you are incredibly strong and brave to have gotten this far. You deserve support and I hope you can see that. Is there anywhere else you can go to get help
Lonewolf
Member
i don't want to rely on anything as im too worried its going to disappear aswell!!!
reeper,
I am sorry to hear about your situation, and my condolences on the loss of your partner last June.
Are you scheduled for any follow up by a mental health professional, and have you been prescribed any medications to treat mood disorders or other mental health issues?
While the reality of life here on Earth is that we humans are finite, which is why we must make the best of every moment we happen to be blessed with someone who means so much to us. That reality should not preclude us from forming relationships, because without the company of other people, our lives would be meaningless.
From what you have so courageously shared with us, we can understand your grief for your partner who was an important part of your life. Those memories should always remain with you, but with the help and support of people you can reach out to, it is possible to lessen the pain of his loss, to allow you to carry on with your life.
Are you currently employed, a student or how do you support yourself?
I am sorry to hear about your situation, and my condolences on the loss of your partner last June.
Are you scheduled for any follow up by a mental health professional, and have you been prescribed any medications to treat mood disorders or other mental health issues?
While the reality of life here on Earth is that we humans are finite, which is why we must make the best of every moment we happen to be blessed with someone who means so much to us. That reality should not preclude us from forming relationships, because without the company of other people, our lives would be meaningless.
From what you have so courageously shared with us, we can understand your grief for your partner who was an important part of your life. Those memories should always remain with you, but with the help and support of people you can reach out to, it is possible to lessen the pain of his loss, to allow you to carry on with your life.
Are you currently employed, a student or how do you support yourself?
Lonewolf
Member
unfortunately i have a condition called 'hydrochephalus' which is basically 'water on the brain' which effects me alot, balance, bad short term memory, serious mood swings and more so im unable to work at the moment!
As for anything to do with a mental health follow up, no!! if i have problems i have to see my GP!!
Some people enjoy life!! Some people endure life!! To some people life is not a gift, its a punishment!! We do not ask to be born, it is thrust upon us!!
i am on medication for anxiety, depression, psychotic episodes and a personality disorder.
As for anything to do with a mental health follow up, no!! if i have problems i have to see my GP!!
Some people enjoy life!! Some people endure life!! To some people life is not a gift, its a punishment!! We do not ask to be born, it is thrust upon us!!
i am on medication for anxiety, depression, psychotic episodes and a personality disorder.
Re: planning!
Life is what you make of it. If your expectations are unrealistic for the abilities you have, then you will never achieve any success.
I have no doubt you have had severe challenges in your life, as most of us have had, but our responsibility as adult humans is to make the best of what we have been given.
Everyone is born with their own personal set of skills and abilities. No two people are identical, so you cannot rate your own experience and potential compared to anyone else.
However, happiness and fulfillment in life comes from being the best you can be with the skills and abilities you have been given. For some that might mean being the best street sweeper in town, or the best restaurant server in the establishment or the best astronaut in the fleet.
Each of us has abilities and each of us has shortcomings, and each of us has had struggles in our life. By focusing on what we can accomplish rather than focusing on what we cannot makes the difference between enjoying life and enduring life, using your words.
You have an opportunity to pick up the pieces of your life, learn from the past and focus on how you can work to recover and take back control of your life.
Are you willing to make the effort?
Life is what you make of it. If your expectations are unrealistic for the abilities you have, then you will never achieve any success.
I have no doubt you have had severe challenges in your life, as most of us have had, but our responsibility as adult humans is to make the best of what we have been given.
Everyone is born with their own personal set of skills and abilities. No two people are identical, so you cannot rate your own experience and potential compared to anyone else.
However, happiness and fulfillment in life comes from being the best you can be with the skills and abilities you have been given. For some that might mean being the best street sweeper in town, or the best restaurant server in the establishment or the best astronaut in the fleet.
Each of us has abilities and each of us has shortcomings, and each of us has had struggles in our life. By focusing on what we can accomplish rather than focusing on what we cannot makes the difference between enjoying life and enduring life, using your words.
You have an opportunity to pick up the pieces of your life, learn from the past and focus on how you can work to recover and take back control of your life.
Are you willing to make the effort?
Lonewolf
Member
?? im afraid its not that simple!! If we could all think positively like that, everybody would be happy and content, never needing meds, Dr's or support! Its a nice thought but very unrealistic!! As for expectations-i have none-only leads to disappointment or jealousy!!
---------- Post Merged at 08:12 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:51 PM ----------
im so sorry!! i apologise!
---------- Post Merged at 08:12 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:51 PM ----------
im so sorry!! i apologise!
forgetmenot
MVP
Hi i jst wanted to say i could connect to some of what you have written
I too in a way wish i did not say anything life changed after i told
I don 't understand how they can just dismiss you hun take away the care that you have had
It just does not seem right
. Do you not have someone your doctor even who can fight to get you back some mental health workers
. You say you have no expectations hun perhaps just getting through each day is enough to deal with right now.
Just try to find something in the day you can hold onto hun
Even if it is just listening to some music you like something small but something you would enjoy.
Coming here talking to us
I know you don't think you are a worth the fight hun but you are ok.
You have been made to feel otherwise but it is not true. You help me by just posting your story i wish we both did not feel like we do but i know for certain you are special hun even if you do not feel it you are hugs
I too in a way wish i did not say anything life changed after i told
I don 't understand how they can just dismiss you hun take away the care that you have had
It just does not seem right
. Do you not have someone your doctor even who can fight to get you back some mental health workers
. You say you have no expectations hun perhaps just getting through each day is enough to deal with right now.
Just try to find something in the day you can hold onto hun
Even if it is just listening to some music you like something small but something you would enjoy.
Coming here talking to us
I know you don't think you are a worth the fight hun but you are ok.
You have been made to feel otherwise but it is not true. You help me by just posting your story i wish we both did not feel like we do but i know for certain you are special hun even if you do not feel it you are hugs
Hi
I think all that your are feeling is perfectly understandable and normal actually.
Your physical ailment alone is a massive burden upon your own mind and body.
The way you have been treated in the past is nothing to do with you.
You should have been looked after responsibly at that point by the adults whose job it was to provide this support. unfortunately this has not been the case leaving you with more and more baggage as you have got older.
As for your friend I understand why that loss would make you feel as you do especially when it is the only true close connection you have had... I lost a baby at birth and just wanted to be with him again for a long time but now looking back I am just glad he was part of my life at all.
You may never have known your friend at all which would have left you without an idea of what a proper relationship is... which in my mind is a much worse place to be.
I do not have contact with my entire family due to abuse as a child I am still a hushed conversation and a guilty secret to many of them and was affected for many years as you are.
I had a "plan" too, but, as your friend did for you, I met someone who treated me in a way I used to see others being treated but felt that I didn't deserve it, I wasn't worth it and felt all I had experienced to that point that was of a negative persuasion was "my fault". I also felt the jealousy, confusion and loneliness I even did the not open letters answer the door stuff.
My heart sunk every morning my eyes opened and I realized I was still breathing.
Your not alone.
There is help out there and you need to open up to be able to fix it.
It starts with the GP when I told my GP at 18 what had happened to me it still took me another 20 years to actually sit down and speak to someone about it and in all after this it took another three years to speak as I am to you now.
You don't have a choice over your family unfortunately your related to them.
You do though have a choice over everything else and that is where your hope lies, trusting people is not easy and everything after you have experienced what you have is a risk emotionally, but, you do have the power to steer things where you want them to go.
You clearly need support at the moment and I would encourage you to go and speak to your GP and if your not heard the first time go back, I would also consider specific support groups for any of the problems you have physical or emotional.
I hope this has been of help and I hope you know others out there not only have experienced similar things but have also ended up feeling as you do right now.
However you are NOT worthless or a waste of space, you are someone as I said with a set of issues that it is understandable why you feel as you do!
Go see your GP...
I think all that your are feeling is perfectly understandable and normal actually.
Your physical ailment alone is a massive burden upon your own mind and body.
The way you have been treated in the past is nothing to do with you.
You should have been looked after responsibly at that point by the adults whose job it was to provide this support. unfortunately this has not been the case leaving you with more and more baggage as you have got older.
As for your friend I understand why that loss would make you feel as you do especially when it is the only true close connection you have had... I lost a baby at birth and just wanted to be with him again for a long time but now looking back I am just glad he was part of my life at all.
You may never have known your friend at all which would have left you without an idea of what a proper relationship is... which in my mind is a much worse place to be.
I do not have contact with my entire family due to abuse as a child I am still a hushed conversation and a guilty secret to many of them and was affected for many years as you are.
I had a "plan" too, but, as your friend did for you, I met someone who treated me in a way I used to see others being treated but felt that I didn't deserve it, I wasn't worth it and felt all I had experienced to that point that was of a negative persuasion was "my fault". I also felt the jealousy, confusion and loneliness I even did the not open letters answer the door stuff.
My heart sunk every morning my eyes opened and I realized I was still breathing.
Your not alone.
There is help out there and you need to open up to be able to fix it.
It starts with the GP when I told my GP at 18 what had happened to me it still took me another 20 years to actually sit down and speak to someone about it and in all after this it took another three years to speak as I am to you now.
You don't have a choice over your family unfortunately your related to them.
You do though have a choice over everything else and that is where your hope lies, trusting people is not easy and everything after you have experienced what you have is a risk emotionally, but, you do have the power to steer things where you want them to go.
You clearly need support at the moment and I would encourage you to go and speak to your GP and if your not heard the first time go back, I would also consider specific support groups for any of the problems you have physical or emotional.
I hope this has been of help and I hope you know others out there not only have experienced similar things but have also ended up feeling as you do right now.
However you are NOT worthless or a waste of space, you are someone as I said with a set of issues that it is understandable why you feel as you do!
Go see your GP...
Lonewolf
Member
Thanks guys! 
Before considering suicide, consider this:
Translated from an interview (circa 2002) by one of my personal heroes, the late Dr. Jacques Voyer:
Source: Le Dr Jacques Voyer
?loge ? la vie (A Eulogy to Life)
by Sylvie Poulin
To read why I was personally inspired with hope despite all adversity, by Dr. Voyer, please see this article: Quadraplegic tragedy shapes a giving life
Dr. Voyer succumbed to injuries following a traffic accident April 18, 2005.
Steve
Translated from an interview (circa 2002) by one of my personal heroes, the late Dr. Jacques Voyer:
Source: Le Dr Jacques Voyer
?loge ? la vie (A Eulogy to Life)
by Sylvie Poulin
To read why I was personally inspired with hope despite all adversity, by Dr. Voyer, please see this article: Quadraplegic tragedy shapes a giving life
Dr. Voyer succumbed to injuries following a traffic accident April 18, 2005.
Steve
Lonewolf
Member
I don't think you would appreciate my immediate response to that!! So i shall bite my tongue!! Thanks for the thought though, lol!!
Why so much bitterness and cynicism? If you expect anyone here to support your suicide plan, it's not going to happen. Life is too precious to throw away, so if you want to investigate your options for recovery, you would have to open your mind to receiving assistance, and not ridicule attempts to provide you with ways to move forward.
Lonewolf
Member
:upset: i can't do this!! I can't let someone in just to rip out my heart, kick it around the room for a while and shove it back into my chest beaten and broken like so many other times in my life!! Im very angry, ok! Im not good with anger, but there you go!! Im going to crawl back under my rock now!! The problem is that you guys can see a future whereas it seems nearly impossible for me! Doesn't matter how i try, im just so terrified! Since i was in care i have had some kind of support and now its all over and ive no where to turn!! I can't do it!! I've tried to. Maybe its not a good idea to talk to you guys about this anymore cos i just find the hostility difficult to handle right now!! im sorry, ive been an idiot! Thinking about it, its not really something we should talk about! :distrust:
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
What hostility?
lauralee31
Member
Re: Planning!
Life is hard Im finding it difficult everyday to get outta bill and have the will to live. I have no will to live..... my life is horrible everyone thinks im crazy (which is untrue) hang in there....all we need is support and that i dont have... my best friend abandoned me when i needed her most so now i havce barely anyone to talk to.
Hope you dont kill yourself
Life is hard Im finding it difficult everyday to get outta bill and have the will to live. I have no will to live..... my life is horrible everyone thinks im crazy (which is untrue) hang in there....all we need is support and that i dont have... my best friend abandoned me when i needed her most so now i havce barely anyone to talk to.
Hope you dont kill yourself
Hey Reeper! You have done so well talking more about your experiences and feelings.
It can be hard for others to know the exact right way to support someone else of course, at each moment in time. And the walls we have got around ourselves can take many different forms and shapes...the emotions that come along with it can be so difficult to feel... Same with the emotions that may at first come with our positive steps that we try taking, in great trepidation.
It can be so hard to get feedback or impressions from others, at such a difficult time. It can be so difficult for other humans to really "get" the enormity of beginning to reach out, how that may differ for each person, how scary it is, and the terribly raw emotions it can bring out.
However, many people here do have an understanding of these things, to different degrees. And different perspectives that can eventually be very useful. So I am so, so proud of you for getting into the situation where you can talk to us here. - even though some parts of that can be difficult! So good on you.
And the difficult feelings you get when something here may not be quite what you expected or wanted - it is okay to have those feelings. People can then try to get an idea of what is happening within you... it could all help us to communicate together and share what is going on and learn and grow...
People may have impressions of how you are feeling or reacting etc, and they may be wrong or they may be correct - or often, somewhere in between. The same goes for all of us interacting here. That part is very difficult isn't it. Dealing with the feelings that come up, having people express what they feel is happening, dealing with impressions we get or that we think we are giving.
Just remember that every human is different. So the worrying, fearful, shameful thoughts that you have, about what others are thinking towards you, cannot apply to everyone the same. Those thoughts may often be very huge and overwhelming, when we are in such a difficult time.
Those thoughts are hard. But they may not reflect the truth, honey. The truth is complex, and may not be so terrible as those awful thoughts we are having. Hard to think that way. But let that 'not so bad' possibility sit at the back of your mind, if you can.
Those 'horriblest' thoughts... bad thoughts about yourself, scary thoughts about others....let them happen, let them pass by.... Just thoughts, that is all they are....
Or use emotion words to describe how you have felt or thought about something. That's okay and that is not wrong. Let us know if you feel you have been misunderstood. That can create growth and learning. And can create proof and evidence AGAINST the most negative, awfullest thoughts......
Lots of different people are in this forum. Please remember some may give their thoughts and express feelings but everyone will never think or feel the exact same way or have the same impression of what goes on.
I am proud of you for so far sticking with us and tolerating the challenges of reaching out. It is not easy, and our thinking patterns and emotional patterns cannot make a quantum leap in a day. You have taken some beginning steps and that is excellent hun. xox
It can be hard for others to know the exact right way to support someone else of course, at each moment in time. And the walls we have got around ourselves can take many different forms and shapes...the emotions that come along with it can be so difficult to feel... Same with the emotions that may at first come with our positive steps that we try taking, in great trepidation.
It can be so hard to get feedback or impressions from others, at such a difficult time. It can be so difficult for other humans to really "get" the enormity of beginning to reach out, how that may differ for each person, how scary it is, and the terribly raw emotions it can bring out.
However, many people here do have an understanding of these things, to different degrees. And different perspectives that can eventually be very useful. So I am so, so proud of you for getting into the situation where you can talk to us here. - even though some parts of that can be difficult! So good on you.
And the difficult feelings you get when something here may not be quite what you expected or wanted - it is okay to have those feelings. People can then try to get an idea of what is happening within you... it could all help us to communicate together and share what is going on and learn and grow...
People may have impressions of how you are feeling or reacting etc, and they may be wrong or they may be correct - or often, somewhere in between. The same goes for all of us interacting here. That part is very difficult isn't it. Dealing with the feelings that come up, having people express what they feel is happening, dealing with impressions we get or that we think we are giving.
Just remember that every human is different. So the worrying, fearful, shameful thoughts that you have, about what others are thinking towards you, cannot apply to everyone the same. Those thoughts may often be very huge and overwhelming, when we are in such a difficult time.
Those thoughts are hard. But they may not reflect the truth, honey. The truth is complex, and may not be so terrible as those awful thoughts we are having. Hard to think that way. But let that 'not so bad' possibility sit at the back of your mind, if you can.
Those 'horriblest' thoughts... bad thoughts about yourself, scary thoughts about others....let them happen, let them pass by.... Just thoughts, that is all they are....
Or use emotion words to describe how you have felt or thought about something. That's okay and that is not wrong. Let us know if you feel you have been misunderstood. That can create growth and learning. And can create proof and evidence AGAINST the most negative, awfullest thoughts......
Lots of different people are in this forum. Please remember some may give their thoughts and express feelings but everyone will never think or feel the exact same way or have the same impression of what goes on.
I am proud of you for so far sticking with us and tolerating the challenges of reaching out. It is not easy, and our thinking patterns and emotional patterns cannot make a quantum leap in a day. You have taken some beginning steps and that is excellent hun. xox
forgetmenot
MVP
Hope you have reached out hun found some more support for you Be it your own doctor or community help teacher someone ok. I understand your fear i do the lack of trust in professionals i get that but not all of them are like you say hun. If you find the right one that person can make the world of difference to your healing. Don't give up ok don't let them win you keep fighting Talk to you doctor and get him or her to advocate more help for you hugs
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