I'm glad that you are going to see someone with whom you can talk about this issue with, and I'm glad that you felt strong enough to talk about it here :support:
Quite apart from the distress your suicide would cause others, I'm thinking more along the lines that there is time and opportunity for you to resolve this issue - certainly the feelings you have about it. There is support, people who could help you. You've not reached a total impasse. It is only your feeling that says that you have. Also, what you describe can happen as a *result* of underlying anxiety or depression for example. I know that you believe you see the single reason, but in truth, you may not see what else is underlying the anxiety around the issue and a therapist can help you look at it in a wider perspective.
I worry when I see you finding only one way out when there may be many doors, some of which may at the very least lessen the feelings that you have about the problem. Once your despair and anxiety are lessened, then you will be in a better situation to deal with the underlying causes.
Don't know if my words help you in any way. I just want you to know that I care as well and really want every possible chance for you to to live more happily
For now,
amastie
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