Hi everyone, I am sorry for making my first post so dramatic, but I really needed to get this out as soon as possible. I?ve had an increasing desire to commit suicide lately, as in, it?s something I think about every single day. Beforehand, knowing what it would do to my parents/family (I?m sure my friends would be upset too, but would probably get over it) has prevented me from doing it, but now, even that no longer seems like a powerful enough motive to stay alive.
The reason is straightforward, but it has been the source of severe depression, anxiety and frustration for several years now, and I?ve been seemingly unable to fix it. Actually, I guess nothing in life is straightforward, but in the most simplified terms, the problem is my relationship to the opposite gender.
That is, I seem to be entirely socially unequipped to interact with women in any sort of romantic way. I?m not going to bother going into the specifics of how this social inadequacy manifests itself in any or each particular case, but what makes this even more confusing and frustrating is that I am not socially stunted in any other way, there is nothing wrong with my appearance, and females do have the capacity to be attracted to me, but I always screw everything up whenever there is one that I am really interested in.
I am now 23 and still a virgin, and persistently suffer from the multifaceted anxieties inherent in a condition that leaves such basic social and biological parameters unsatisfied. I am no longer able to focus on my undergraduate work, I?ve been growing increasingly more neurotic and depressive, and no longer even make for interesting or stimulating social company ? all I want to do is sleep and get drunk. I feel like it is just too late for me, since if I was to enter a romantic or sexual relationship now, my sexual skill level would be dramatically inconsistent with my age, and any sexual encounter would likely lead to embarrassment and humiliation and thus serve to exacerbate my already overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and maladjustment.
Anyways, I have no idea what to do. For the past while, I?ve been able to ignore my feelings in favor of focusing on more important pursuits like my work, but this has grown absolutely out of control, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. My suicidal urges don?t come in a sudden seizure of depression and hopelessness, they?re something that has been taking quite clear and sober form for a few months now, and I really am not seeing any other exit?I feel like ending my life would be the best way to make a ?clean getaway? and spare myself what has become an almost comically embarrassing situation..
The reason is straightforward, but it has been the source of severe depression, anxiety and frustration for several years now, and I?ve been seemingly unable to fix it. Actually, I guess nothing in life is straightforward, but in the most simplified terms, the problem is my relationship to the opposite gender.
That is, I seem to be entirely socially unequipped to interact with women in any sort of romantic way. I?m not going to bother going into the specifics of how this social inadequacy manifests itself in any or each particular case, but what makes this even more confusing and frustrating is that I am not socially stunted in any other way, there is nothing wrong with my appearance, and females do have the capacity to be attracted to me, but I always screw everything up whenever there is one that I am really interested in.
I am now 23 and still a virgin, and persistently suffer from the multifaceted anxieties inherent in a condition that leaves such basic social and biological parameters unsatisfied. I am no longer able to focus on my undergraduate work, I?ve been growing increasingly more neurotic and depressive, and no longer even make for interesting or stimulating social company ? all I want to do is sleep and get drunk. I feel like it is just too late for me, since if I was to enter a romantic or sexual relationship now, my sexual skill level would be dramatically inconsistent with my age, and any sexual encounter would likely lead to embarrassment and humiliation and thus serve to exacerbate my already overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and maladjustment.
Anyways, I have no idea what to do. For the past while, I?ve been able to ignore my feelings in favor of focusing on more important pursuits like my work, but this has grown absolutely out of control, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. My suicidal urges don?t come in a sudden seizure of depression and hopelessness, they?re something that has been taking quite clear and sober form for a few months now, and I really am not seeing any other exit?I feel like ending my life would be the best way to make a ?clean getaway? and spare myself what has become an almost comically embarrassing situation..
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